Contentment

Contentment.

Its the buzz word for young adults it seems. Everyone is searching for it. Hoping for it. It seems as though few have found it.

It hits different folks differently.

For some they're discontent in their job. They want to make more, be more, have a better boss or better co-workers.

For some its discontentment with their families, their home life. They want a better house, more understanding family or more free time.

For others its singleness. Or marriage. They want the opposite of what they have and seem to watch all of their friends enjoy either the 'freedom' of singleness or the blessings of marriage.

The list goes on and on. Point is, culture and simply our human nature makes it easy for unrest and discontentment to settle in and become the norm. And I think that as a culture we've mostly accepted it, deciding that discontentment is alright. After all, it causes us to work hard for what we want, right? Right??

Brene Brown discusses this in her book, 'Daring Greatly' (awesome read, by the way, pick up a copy ASAP-- its seriously that good!) She calls it the 'Scarcity Mentality'. It is this idea that has more or less, without question, been adopted by society. This idea that we never have enough. Not enough money. Not enough friends. Not enough popularity. Not a big enough house. Not a good enough body. We are lacking something that we need. Its wreaked havoc on our culture and our personal lives.

And its the opposite of gratitude.

Its the opposite of the powerful nature of gratitude. And this Scarcity Mentality is the fuel of discontentment. Its the idea that what someone else has is better than what we have. How sad is that?

Gratitude may just be the hardest thing some of us may ever do. Its not our natural outlook. Its 'natural' to want more. But gratitude brings a powerful force to society and to our families and communities, and for Christians, it is what we are called to. Thanksgiving. Worship. Praise. Gratitude. 

Contentment is difficult for me. So often I look at the lives of those around me and I want what they have. I want a stable job, an apartment, a relationship, a ministry.... and I miss the gifts I have been given that are unique and hand picked by our Father himself.

I imagine it hurts the Father's heart when I sit there, arms crossed, stamping my feet, demanding something that isn't mine to have. And yet, I do it all the time. And I encase it in words of  'its a desire of my heart' (it is) and 'I've waited so long, I don't know why they get it and I don't'... but all along I am missing what is right in front of me. Like an ungrateful child on Christmas morning, wanting the scooter that their brother got, instead of enjoying the bike that they received.

 I am convinced that gratitude can change the world. And it starts with you and me, deciding to thank the Lord for the many, many undeserved and amazing things He's placed in your life and mine. I haven't earned them, but He's allowed me to have them anyhow.

Today I choose gratitude. And tomorrow (hopefully) I'll choose gratitude again. And  I have a feeling that little by little I may just get a tiny glimpse of that contentment that Paul spoke of in Philippians (4:12), regardless of circumstance.

E u c h a r i s t e o

Go and Sin no More...

I've stayed quiet about current happenings that have the media buzzing. I have opinions, but they don't always need to be stated. And recently as I was reading a headline, it struck me-- Christians are NEVER called to be hateful.

Now, there is a huge difference between engaging in a discussion, or even calling others to live by high standards and hate, but far too often, I think, controversial topics become bashing sessions. They become hateful banter. They are rooted in pride and are not meant to draw others closer to the Lord or to spread the Gospel. They are simply meant to make an angry, ranting point that perhaps, at the end of the day does more harm than good.

How do we hold to our convictions and to the truth of scripture and yet lovingly, gracefully and tactfully have conversations about moral issues? I don't think its the way we've been doing it.

When I look at Jesus' life, I am amazed by the incredible amount of grace and love he showed to those that were caught in sin, or were confused or stuck or simply didn't know what to do with their lives. He did not condone sin, but he so deeply loved the individual and they walked away feeling valued, built up and genuinely cared for, as Jesus called them to 'go and sin no more' (John 8:11). He was calling them to a higher standard than what they had for themselves, but he also looked upon them with all of the love and value that anyone could bestow. He cared a lot more about their souls and their relationship with Him and the Father than He did about condemning their sin and feeling the need to call out everything they did wrong.

 He cared about relationship.

He didn't care about status. Or being 'cool'. Or making sure everyone was towing the line constantly. He cared about the status of individual souls, and that happened only through a caring relationship and through the deep, deep love that only Jesus could show.

So I guess I don't know exactly what my response to every hot button issue should be. But I know for a fact that it should NOT be one of hate. Pride. Condemnation. Because that is not Jesus' way. And I cannot in good conscience call out everyone else's sin without first looking into my own messy heart and asking the Lord to work in the midst of rubble.

My resolve is to show a little more love and little more care, a little more genuine interest and a little less judgment and shock at the brokenness of the world. 

Sanctification hurts, but it is the Lord's working in our lives and is the most 'worth it' thing I can think of-- becoming more like Jesus is always worth it.

Here's to learning to love better.

On Being 'Busy' and Learning to Rest.

Busy.

Its the buzz word of the century it seems. if you stop and ask anyone over the age of 10 about their lives, the word 'busy' is sure to make its way into the conversation.

Everyone is busy.

And I get it, life is demanding. There are bills to be paid, groceries to be bought, mouths to be fed, children to be loved, bathed, put to bed, taught, driven to school. There are jobs and church and volunteer and friends and family and the list goes on and on. Sometimes it seems as though the day is severely lacking in hours needed to complete everything on the 'to do' list called 'LIFE.'

American culture doesn't help. Subtly, culture has taught us that 'busy'= valuable, 'not busy'= not valuable. We've been led to believe that being busy is close to godliness. That's how the saying goes, right...??

My parents modeled really well the unique and difficult balance of hard work, and resting well. I don't know any other people that had that part of their lives balanced quite as well. Growing up I always knew that I was expected to work hard at school and at whatever task was before me-- to give it my best effort. But I was also taught to enjoy simplicity-- down time. To revel in it and embrace it. Sundays were our 'day of rest' and boy, did we rest. Taking a three hour nap while simultaneously stuffing my face with nachos and watching Nascar races counts as rest... 

I recently graduated from University and I've heard the classic questions hundreds of times by this point "What are you going to do with your life?" Its daunting, really. But I appreciate that people are curious and that they care. 

I decided before I graduated that I was going to take some time off. I was not going to work for a while. After all, I had literally had the busiest, most difficult, challenging, most rewarding, fun, full of laughter, full of tears, draining and rewarding year of my life. From sun up to sun down I was going. Constantly. And that is hard on a person, long term. 

I've been home for over a month now, and people start to get antsy. They start to expect me to have a job by now. And I expect that too. But it isn't my reality, and in fact, my body is still recovering. And recovery is sometimes a long and fragile process. It cannot be rushed. So, 'recovery' in this case requires rest. And for me, right now, 'rest' means being content with taking care of our home (you would not believe the number of dishes two people can make in a day... ridiculous...), being present with my family, investing in friends lives-- helping plan weddings, and watch their babies and listen to their goals and plans. It involves making good on that goal of exercising regularly (I actually enjoy running now. I know, I nearly went into shock when I realized that too...). Its about bringing my cat to the vet and taking pictures of important events and going out to brunch with my sister. 

Right now, my life is about the simple things. Loving the Lord and loving those in my direct line of influence. This is always my goal, but right now that is seen through the simplicity of my life. 

And perhaps this glorification of busy actually hurts us more than it helps. Perhaps its become an idol and a place in which we've found our identity more than it is about living fully. 

I am convinced that when God was creating, He chose to rest on the seventh day as an example to His children. As a reminder of the importance of rest.  

So here is to simplicity and remembering that my identity, your identity does NOT come from being busy. I can be busy and not be productive. I can have a relatively free schedule and be more productive than one might imagine. 

Time is the most valuable gift I can give to another. I am grateful that right now, I have an abundance of it to give. I think I am able to love others in a less hurried way because of it. 

So my friends, learn to REST. It is not easy, and I am by no means an expert, but I am learning (by default, and my body rebelling against me) what it looks like to both live fully and to rest well.  

Rest was God's idea, after all. 
 

What Experiential Learning Taught Me

Trust.

That is the primary lesson I learned through Experiential learning this year. As a part of that we hiked at Silver Creek Falls, being asked to do some unexpected things in order to build trust and learn to communicate as a team. We had to each place our feet in a rope that had loops in it, while hiking on some rocky terrain, we were forced to walk together, to communicate and trust each other as we worked hard to not fall.

This was just the beginning of learning to lean on one another as a team, and take that into our job as R.A.'s this year. Knowing that we had a support system behind us that loved us and was cheering us on allowed the hard parts of the job to feel a little easier, and the victorious and rewarding parts of the job to be that much sweeter.

 It was a risk, just like walking with that rope around our ankles-- we feared we might trip and sometimes we couldn't see very far in the distance, so we also had to trust our leader to get us safely to where we needed to be. It was out of everyone else's hands. I learned that these people called 'my team' were some of my biggest supporters and they were trustworthy.

We also had to learn to trust the ultimate leader, our Heavenly Father. It is not always easy. There are difficult conversations, residents that are sometimes disconnected and emotional time and energy when you're feeling empty is often required. It was in those moments that we had to realize and remember the goodness and trustworthiness of our Father. We had to place it in His hands, believing that He knew where we were going, even when we couldn't see it.

Trust is a difficult lesson, but a crucial one to the life of the believer. Experiential Learning showed me the importance of trust at the deepest level.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

People often ask me if it is hard to think about the future without my mom. They wonder what it feels like to know she won't be present.

In response, I always tell them 'yes, it is hard. So, so hard.' I hate the fact that she won't be present at my graduation in a week. She so desperately wanted to be there and reminded my sister and I over and over how proud she was of us. I wish she could see it, and maybe she can. I don't know what heaven is like.

Right after mom passed away, when I would think of the future, I could hardly imagine doing life without her there. How would I know what to do when I had a baby that was colicky at 2 in the morning? What about when I needed relationship advice? Who would I go to? I realized that I so desperately needed my mom, but I didn't have a choice. She was gone, and I was forced to learn what it looked like to do life this side of heaven without her. That felt daunting and terrifying.

As the days and weeks continued, the fear subsided little by little and I realized that I was able to function, despite the difficulty. I realized that my heart, while deeply pained, was resilient.

My mom won't be physically present when I say 'I do' or when I have my first child or when I graduate or start my first full time job, and that grieves me. But I also find joy in remembering and knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that she was so, so proud of my sister and I. And I am comforted by the gentle and yet fierce embrace of my Heavenly dad. He truly is the best comforter and the wonderful counselor. He's given me all I've needed through the darkest days of my life. The days when I was confused and scared and angry, He brought peace and a deep reminder of His greatness and steadfast love.

Steadfast. Unmovable. Never ending. Constant.
That is the Father's love for His children, and I have experienced that more profoundly these past 8 months than ever before.
Great is His Faithfulness. 

Am I Good Enough Now? (Part I)

"Yeah, I always feel like someone could do my job so much better than me", she confessed over a cafeteria lunch on that overcast Spring day.

I was astonished-- she is so, so good at her job. Like, it amazes me how dedicated, disciplined and caring she is through her leadership.

We continued talking, honestly divulging our deep seated fears and uncertainties over our job performance. I wondered if I was the best person for the job, and she wondered the same. I told her that at the end of the day I really want to be accepted and I long for approval of man. She confessed the same. And in that moment we realized how similar we were-- two young women, seeking to serve the Lord, attending a small Christian University, who were afraid of disappointing others.

And if experience has taught me anything, I don't think we're alone.

I work with a lot of people. I have a lot of conversations. I hear a lot of fears. And the more time I spend hearing people's stories, the more I realize that a resounding question of the human race, is this: "Am I good enough?" Everyone seems to be asking it.

Deep down, we fear that we are failing, that we are a disappointment, that we aren't quite good enough. That somehow everyone else has found the secret to 'having it all together' and somehow we never got the memo.

Our conversation continued, and I told her "I think where the problem comes in for me is through comparison. We compare our insides to everyone else's outsides..."

As I think about this epidemic, I wonder where we got off thinking that we aren't 'good enough.' I wonder who made us believe that? I wonder who spoke those lies?

I have some educated guesses, but who gets to override what the Lord says and tell us that we are a failure, a disappointment, that we're not accepted?

The lies are so embedded, sometimes it feels nearly impossible to untangle the truth from the lies and to throw out the lies and grasp tightly to the truth.

I don't have the answers to this dilemma, but I invite you to join me for this series, asking and attempting to answer the age old question: "Am I good enough?"

More than I can Handle

"God won't give you more than you can handle."

I hear well meaning Christians say this often. Many times it is thrown because of discomfort or in an effort to ease the pain of a friend or family member. The intention is good, but the idea is false. It is not found anywhere in scripture (although a verse in 1 Corinthians talking about temptation is often quoted in order to make this point).

I guess having lost my mother at far too young an age and long before I was 'ready' for it makes me reject this notion. It was more than I could handle.
I was a mess and grief shook me to the core.

Almost six months later, I am in a healthy place. I am not so fearful. Not so scared. Not so drained and exhausted. Not searching for words constantly.

And I guess my point is this-- while I understand and appreciate the sentiment behind this idea, for the one who has suffered deep loss and trauma, this just sounds like a pat answer. And it isn't true.

I could not handle losing my mom. I wasn't prepared. But the story doesn't end there. I didn't have to be able to 'handle' it. I didn't have to be strong enough. I couldn't be, no matter how hard I tried. I simply couldn't be.

But, long before that day I began a relationship with the One who could handle it. Long before that day I put my trust in the One who holds and handles the world and was also big enough to hold my problems. And that brought more peace than anything else. 

This notion of needing to be strong enough only leads to striving, working harder and becoming discouraged and disillusioned when we fail.

So I encourage you to seek out the One who can hold and handle your problems. There is nothing He can't handle. That is very good news.