On the New Year

As I reflect on a new year, looking back to the one just complete and forward to the brand new ahead, I am grateful and my heart is filled with peace. I have no huge, lofty resolutions or aspirations for 2019 - I do have things I'd like to do and accomplish, but they're more of general lifestyle shifts and adjustments. They're not so easily measured - they're mental shifts I guess you could say. I find that for me, adjustments and focus on new things are more attainable than a specific, lofty goal for the year (like going to the gym 5x a week or traveling to 3 new states).

Last year in March, as I was about to enter my 27th year, I felt specifically like the Lord said my 27th year would be one of peace, intimacy and joy. I'll spare you all the details, but let's just say six months in I looked back with confusion, defeat and doubt, questioning how the words the Lord had spoken could be true. It certainly didn't feel peaceful or joyful. I had/have plenty of wonderful things that I am grateful for - a job I love, friends and family that are supportive, a great church and a boyfriend that is steadfast and loving. It just seemed I was having a hard time experiencing the joy that I expected from all of this. I think I fell into a sort of depression for a while and I was tired. 

Now, 3/4 of my way through my 27th year I am beginning to see glimmers and sparks of that wonderful peace and joy that was promised back in March. 2018 and my 27th year did not look as I anticipated (does it ever?!) and yet I learned the value of waiting patiently, believing that the Lord speaks truth and pressing in to him when everything seems confusing. I've also learned to let go of a lot of expectations that do not serve me or those around me.

I guess going into 2019 I hope to love the Lord a little more fully, serve others a little more faithfully, take care of myself more regularly and simply learn to enjoy the present. The sticklers out there would say these are not 'good' goals because good goals must be attainable and measurable. These are more general principles or ideas. But honestly, I don't care, because for me, while the new year does bring new opportunities, so does each new day.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end

they are new every morning

great is thy faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

An interesting note on the book of Lamentations - it is named that because it is just that, a book of lament. After a difficult and challenging season and much destruction and desolation (of the city and temple) Jeremiah pens this book. It is essentially a book of grieving, and yet, he stops long enough to remember God's faithfulness and praise him in the midst of the grief and sorrow of his people. 

I am learning that there is always reason to praise. 

I am also learning that I don't need to wait until the 'new year' to make important changes. His mercies are new every morning. 

I am thankful that each day is a new chance to grow and praise and serve the Lord and others more fervently. 

2019, I'm ready for you and look forward to you with grateful anticipation. 

The Art of Self Care

It's been a busy, full and emotional few weeks for yours truly. Work has been full-- it's just the Spring season as we're prepping for some large events. And things in my personal life have been a bit taxing as well. Sometimes it feels like when it rains, it pours. I say that not from a place of bitterness, but just as an observed fact.

As someone who has struggled with general anxiety and a propensity to 'over-commit' for most of my life, I've learned to develop some self-care habits. This looks a little different for each person, but I've noticed there are a few common threads that a large majority of society can relate to, as far as things that bring refreshment and peace to a weary heart. I wanted to share some of my insights with you today, in hopes that, as a society we can truly become peaceful, joyful and refreshed individuals who aren't frantically running a million miles an hour, burning ourselves (and probably those around us) out.

'Rest' is a difficult concept for many. We're a society of 'doers' and we've been taught that our productivity is of utmost importance, because, quite frankly, that is where many gain their identity. For those that consider themselves Christians, rest, sabbath rest is in the Bible. God rested after creating the world and mankind. He didn't need to rest-- He is GOD, after all. He rested as an example to follow. Sabbath rest teaches us that the world continues to spin even when we're not doing anything-- God doesn't need our help. That should bring comfort.

"Self- care" is one of those phrases that seems to have made it's way into our lingo in the last decade or so, but I'm sure glad it did. These 'self care' tactics are ones I've found most helpful in my life:

Put down the phone (or ipad, laptop etc.)
I know, I cringe at this one too. We're a tech society and we have become dependent on our devices. Right now, I'm typing on my laptop, and my phone is to the left of me. Life feels a little more vulnerable, and I feel a little less control when I don't have my phone. But research has shown the negative effects of extended amounts of screen time... Put it down. You'll feel more centered, level-headed and more in touch with the world around you (ironic huh... feeling more in touch when we put our devices down...)

Get outdoors
Maybe that means camping, hiking or boating. Or maybe it's just something simple like taking a walk around the block or reading in the sunshine. I cannot tell you the number of times I've been worn out from battles I was fighting in my mind and I stepped outdoors, and for a few brief moments, my anxieties melted away and I was refreshed. Maybe it's the smell of the outdoor air, or the vitamin D, or just the fact that we were created to spend a whole lot more time outdoors than we do... but there is something that changes in our bodies and minds when we spend just a few minutes embracing creation in all of it's glory.

Practice saying 'no'
I am admittedly bad at this, but I have improved drastically over the past few years. This goes back to the concept of Sabbath rest. The world will not implode if we stop producing for a while. Seriously, try it. We are a worn out society because we feel unable, or unwilling to say 'no' to anything, for fear that we might miss out, that we'll let someone down, or that we'll be viewed as boring. I've said 'no' a few times in my life, and ya know, I was always glad I set aside time to just 'rest' and 'be.' I wasn't focused on 'doing' or 'producing', I was focused on being present, and it brought deep refreshment to my soul.

Find your rhythm
Let me unpack this a bit... each person has a different capacity and different needs. Some people have a large capacity and need to stay busier (notice I didn't say busy...) than others. Some have a smaller capacity and need significant 'down time' to be healthy. I am kind of middle of the road. I've realized that on the weekends, I need a plan. If I go into the weekend with nothing on the agenda I find myself bored, anxious and moody. On the other end, if I go in with a 'filled to the brim, busy-every-second weekend' I find myself anxious, moody, resentful and weary. Neither is good. I have found that my sweet spot is having one or two medium sized commitments each weekend. Maybe that looks like tackling a house project on Saturday and going to church and small group on Sunday. It varies, but the concept works. Find your rhythm.

Practice mindfulness
I get that this sounds very modern and 'new age-y', but there is something that happens biologically and mentally when we stop to focus on our breathing for a while. When we focus on taking deep breaths in and out and learn to simply focus on our current circumstances-- the chair beneath us, the air on our skin, the breath going in and out of our lungs. One resource I've found particularly helpful is headspace-- it's just a mindfulness app that leads you through 10 minute sessions of practicing 'being'. I've always come away calmer afterward. They can be found here: https://www.headspace.com/

Find your tribe
These are your people. The ones that know all about you and love you anyway. Some folks are more prone to 'verbally processing' than others, but regardless, having a few people in your inner circle wards off loneliness, shame and fear that often rears it's head in the silence and isolation of our own minds and hearts. These people support and speak truth when you need it. They are safe people.

Pray
I get that this sounds very 'Christian-y' and might not appeal to all. That's fine. But I've found in my own life that praying-- being completely honest with God about where I'm at, my fears, anxieties, joys, victories, hardships and everything in between has brought deep peace, even to situations that didn't have resolve. It brings perspective that we often lack on our own. Not to mention there are a ton of verses in the Bible that talk about praying and the power it possesses, but that is another post for another time. :)

There are dozens more ways to practice self-care, but these are some of the ones I've found most effective in my life.

What self care practices have you found most helpful?

Choice.

There have been a handful of times in my life that I have clearly heard the voice of the Lord, directing me a specific way.

There have been thousands of times that I've heard the Lord speak in general-- reminding me of truths of who He is, and who I am. Reminding me of His 'will' and His character. He's brought peace, joy and contentment when I least expected it. I cannot deny or overlook his fingerprints and presence on my life journey.

There have also been numerous (probably hundreds) of times that I have prayed, sought, asked for wisdom and desperately wanted to hear the Lord's opinion on a decision I needed to make. And sometimes I heard him, or at least had a sense of peace (another way I believe the Lord guides). I love specific direction. He knows this. And because of this tendency to need/want every stop along the way to be mapped out, he has also sometimes put the GPS back in my hands and has said "Your choice."

For some, being told that they get to choose would be heaven. For me, it felt like a death sentence. You see, somewhere along the timeline of my childhood years, I believed that if I got it 'wrong' there would be catastrophic consequences. I believed it was crucial to get it right. And that crippled me.

I was the rule-following child. I was the one that knew exactly what I believed to be right and wrong. I was the one that held tightly to my values and did not waver. This has both benefits and drawbacks. I was never wishy-washy in my beliefs. But I was also rigid and terrified of losing 'control' (that wasn't even mine to begin with).

As I entered my adult years, this way of thinking slowly started unraveling. The Lord gently showed me, through chapel speakers, books, conversations with wise friends and a myriad of other occurrences that actually, He's big enough to work in and through and despite my decisions. And that, contrary to popular belief, The 'okayness' of the world was not dependent on my ability to perfectly maneuver life.


Do not mishear me. God does guide and he does give specific direction and works in ways that are mind blowing-- what we often call 'God stories'- the only way it can be explained is 'God.' I love those moments. I've got many that I am grateful for. But God is also not a dictator. He gives general principles and guidelines, like any good Father, to keep us safe, but he does not dictate every move, every decision and every step of our lives.

I love that he also knows his kids. Earthly parents often parent their children differently, based off of the child's needs and tendencies. For a child that is more prone to impulsion and risky behavior, they may hold to some stricter guidelines, to protect the child and bring some structure to their life. For a child that is a rule-beater and a perfectionist, they will likely have more flexible standards, because they know that child is less likely to engage in behavior that is 'risky'.

In my own life, this has translated to the Lord more often than not making allowing me to choose. As long as my decision is not unwise or sinful, and follows the earmarks laid out in scripture, I am free to decide whether I'd like to attend this University or that University. I am free to decide whether I'd like to pursue music or art. I can decide if I want to move or stay put. I can even choose who I date and marry.

I've started to wonder if God, allowing his children choice, still showing up, and leaving his God fingerprints all over those decisions isn't sometimes more of a testimony than Him showing up when He's given specific instructions.

You see, I lost my mom at 23, at the beginning of my senior year of University. I was an R.A. and a Psych major and it broke me for several months. I was in a fog, and felt everyday like I was trying to peddle a bike uphill, in first gear. I was exhausted. And God, in His providence, brought the perfect people to my life during that season of grief. People that were kind, generous, not afraid of discomfort, and who allowed me to grieve as I needed. This is what I call a 'God moment' (or season, in this case).

However, as crucial as these friends and confidantes were, I also believe he would have brought those people to me if I had attended a different University. And what a cool thing to realize that God was not limited by my decision in that moment. He knew what was going to happen on September 14, 2014. He was not surprised by the death of my mom. And if I had gone to University in Texas or Wisconsin, or Maine, he also would have showed up and brought good, God-fearing, genuine friends to walk me through that season. He worked in the midst of the decision I had made, because His power and ability was/is not limited by my choices. I think that shows the 'bigness' and creative heart of God sometimes more than when He shows up and I expect him to. You see, when He gives me a specific direction, I expect Him to show up. When He doesn't give me specific direction, I sometimes doubt if He'll show up.

I think of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden-- paradise on earth. God gave them one rule. They were not to eat from the tree in the middle of the garden, and if they did, they would die (Genesis 2 & 3). I imagine that was enough for them. I doubt they stopped and asked God before they ate from the plum tree in the corner of the garden, if that was alright. I doubt they asked before they sucked the nectar from the a peach from the north edge of the garden if that was allowed. That would have been silly and unnecessary, because God had already given them the guidelines, and anything within those guidelines was fair game. They could enjoy it to their heart's content. They could also choose to not eat any fruit or berry that they didn't enjoy. They were, outside of God's one rule, free to partake without fear. They were free to choose.


And, I believe, we are also free. We are free to partake as long as it doesn't contradict God's character or guidelines he's already laid out. We are free to partake as long as it doesn't go against something He's clearly spoken to our hearts and consciences (1 John 3:21, 1 Timothy 4).

What hope this brings to souls that are in need of rest, grace and truth. We are in Him and He is in us. There is an automatic freedom we walk in, knowing that, even if we do stumble, His grace, mercy and Father's heart is big enough, strong enough and willing enough to pick us back up, brush off our skinned knees, and continue to walk with us, enjoying the scenery, whether that is mountains and trees, or rivers and meadows. There is much to be learned and gained from each landscape, and, I am convinced, that He, the creator of it all, enjoys each new season and each new bend in the road.

This is freedom. 

The Art of De-Cluttering

I used to think that growing up and becoming an adult was an uninterrupted journey upward. Like I would become incredibly well-rounded, amazingly great at handling all of life's problems and I would just get better and better.... whatever that means.

Having actually entered adulthood and realizing what a shit-show it can be, I rescind that idea. Maybe it's because it just hasn't been the way things have panned out. Sure, I've gotten better at resolving conflict, I've learned breathing techniques to practice when I feel like panicking, and I actually pack my own lunch before I go to work every morning. Gold stars all around.

In reality, life seems to work more like a roller coaster-- high points filled with hope, ecstasy and enjoyment and dips filled with anxiety, fear and despair. And there is a lot of middle ground, and some loops and twists and turns. None of them can be labeled "good" or "bad" per se, but they just are. It's a part of life.

Maybe it's also because I've felt extremely incapable of juggling all that life has thrown my way recently. I've found myself cycling mentally-- unable to get out of slumps. I realize that things don't just 'get better' the older we get. It does seem that life gets sweeter. Anxiety lessens, we learn to let go of things that aren't a big deal and our friendships deepen... but I don't become more and more superhuman just because I've traveled one more cycle around the sun.

In some ways, this is disheartening. It's discouraging to realize your naive hopes of somehow becoming 'the one who has it all together' are a fantasy. Expectations kill.

In the same breath, it's liberating. Because people seem to open up more and be more willing to share their crap as life goes on as well. Vulnerability increases. Confidence increases. I have learned of massive happenings from my childhood friends' lives more as an adult than I ever did as a child. We wade through the muck together and there is community building in that. I wouldn't trade that for a fantasy of perfection any day. The beauty that comes from deeper and more intimate relationships is priceless. It's what happens when we're willing to admit that we too, (along with the rest of the world) don't have it all together.

All that to say, I've felt pretty exhausted lately. For numerous reasons. I'm realizing it's time to do some "winter cleaning"-- some de-cluttering of my life. Feel free to check in and hold me accountable as to how this 'de-cluttering' is going. It's not so much of a material de-cluttering, although that is always helpful. It is more of a mental and spiritual de-cluttering.

I came to the realization recently, while texting a friend about a continual issue in my life, that I often struggle to discern the voice of the Lord over my own voice, or the voice of the world, because there is too much clutter floating in my head. It's a constant stream of input. Netflix. Youtube. Facebook. Pinterest. People's opinions. Blogs. None of these bad, but all of these adding to the chaos in my brain.

So, it's time for some brutal pruning. It's time to cut back my media and internet time and spend more time in nature, painting, hiking, reading and doing other things that refresh and bring clarity.

Maybe this is a New Year's Resolution. It sure seems to be coming at the perfect time. Maybe it's just a reality. Either way, I want to ring in 2018 with a de-cluttered mind and heart. And a heart that knows what it is to have peace in Him.

Maybe it's time for you to do the same. Join me?

An Amateurs Thoughts on Modern Dating

Maybe its just me, but I'm not really into modern dating...

I know, dating is supposed to be fun. But honestly, in my experience it's been exhausting. Trying to interpret the 'signs' and putting myself out there enough, but not too much. And not being able to go out on a date without eyebrows raised, asking about when the wedding is.

Good lord.

No wonder there are so many hurting hearts and folks getting strung along for a year, two, three, because no one is rising up to communicate with honor and respect.

It feels like a maze. But with trap doors and pits and dead ends all over.

I'm kind of over it.

I've been told that I'm an old soul and that I'm old school. I'm alright with both of those labels-- because they're true. And because I think there is actually a lot of untapped goodness of being 'old school'.

I don't think that men have do to the asking out. But I sure hope they will.

I cannot explain the value, trust, honor, character and courage it communicates when the men do the asking.

Also, when you're straightforward about your intentions, you gain mad respect in my book. No one is proposing marriage on the first date, but you think I'm interesting? Tell me. Want to get to know me better. Communicate that.

Its hard. I get it. Being honest about our deep and inward thoughts and feelings always is. But its also the most worth it thing. Its also a really solid foundation to start building a relationship on. Communication is key to healthy relationships.

Dating is hard. I don't think it has to be, but I think because humans are complicated, and there are emotions and hormones and infatuation and over-analyzing involved, it gets messy pretty quickly.

But I believe we can date better. I believe we can honor and respect one another by being straightforward.

I believe we can show strength of character and godliness while dating by being willing to courageously communicate about things that matter, from the get go. 

So, maybe its just me that isn't really that fond of modern cultural dating, but I have a feeling I'm not alone in this...

After all, good communication shows respect and love to others, and they will know we are Christians by our love, right?

We can do better.


*Matt Chandler, pastor of the Village Church has been an influence on my life-- he speaks about this phenomenon here. Also, our dating issues relate back to both men and women. We can all do better.

Blogger Krysti Wilkinson has been another influence on my thoughts regarding dating. Soak in the words below, as many of my thoughts were spurred by this, and other similar blog posts: 

http://krystiwilkinson.com/why-are-you-single/

On Letting Things Not Get Done

Boundaries.

Something our culture struggles with. Big time.

Something I have struggled with most of my life.

This is not a new concept for me. I've been mulling over it for quite some time. And as simple of a concept it is, actually living it out has been so hard but also transformative in my personal life.

I was walking with a friend a few weeks ago, around the baseball fields a mere two blocks from my home. We've walked it many times in our years of friendship. I was telling her that I am at a place in my life where I have to be alright with things not getting done. Our house is a mess 95% of the time. There is clutter and un-vacuumed floors. There is laundry and dishes piled high in the sink. We suck at grocery shopping (and despise it) and keeping the basic food continually stocked is a major chore. Its just the time in life that we find ourselves...

Dad is finishing building a home for our family. Its a full time job, and an exhausting one. I am working full time and have an active social life outside of that. I just switched jobs and now have an hour and a half commute round trip. My sister is home, but is prepping for Grad School in a few short weeks and catching up with friends before she goes.

Life doesn't slow down. 

For someone who values tidiness, organization and order, this can be an issue. It used to bother me to no end when the house was a mess. I used to feel embarrassed, and unable to rest until it was orderly again. So I would spend my extra time cleaning and wear myself out when I should have been resting, being refreshed and doing things that filled my heart.

Now, I understand the insatiable need some of us have to clean. I have always felt like my ability to rest hinges on more than having a spot to lay my head... my surroundings also played into it to a large degree. If my surroundings felt orderly, my mind could rest easily. If my surroundings felt chaotic, so did my mind. Some will understand this plight. Others won't. That's alright.

Even so, I realized recently that all of my running around, trying to check off boxes of my imaginary 'to do' list was often more harmful than helpful. I found myself equally as drained at the end of a weekend as I was after a week of work... I was not being refreshed and constantly felt the need to 'fix' and 'change' my environment so I could 'rest', but I was never actually resting. The work is endless. There is always something more to be done. That is the nature of being an involved adult.

So, slowly, through conversations with the Lord, and through sheer need, I started to 'let go' of some of this incessant need to have things neat, tidy and orderly. I stopped running to the store four times a week because there was something else we forgot last time. I stopped letting it bother me so much when things didn't feel up to par with how I wanted them. I let them go. And I started valuing rest. And setting boundaries.

I truly believe that learning to rest, and setting boundaries go hand-in-hand. I don't believe one can be a good rester if they neglect setting boundaries.

You see, rest comes when we don't allow other supposed necessities steal our time or our joy, and we decide to care for ourselves, steward our bodies and our health well, and just take a break. 

Sometimes that looks like physically resting. Taking a nap. Lounging on a Saturday morning.

Sometimes it looks like doing things we love. For me that is painting, hiking, crafting, gardening, and camping.

Sometimes it looks like time away from technology and the constant 'noise' that surrounds.

Sometimes it looks like coffee in one hand, journal in the other, writing about life and allowing other things to take a back seat for a while.

Its so hard. Excruciatingly hard sometimes.

I would argue that most of us weren't taught how to rest well and value our health or 'self care' very highly. Most of us were taught to keep up with the Joneses, to accomplish, to do, to keep going and to never stop. There is some merit to that, but it gets in and affects every fiber of our being and robs our ability to just stop and breathe and enjoy life.

Sabbath rest teaches us that the world keeps spinning without our help (Someone much smarter than me said that. I read it somewhere, and cannot remember where, but I give credit to the genius that said it long before me). 

So lately I've been being challenged by myself, and I think by the Lord too, to let things not get done. Not the big things. Those always get done. We've got food to eat, a roof over our head and clothes to put on our backs. We've got friends and family. The important things are taken care of. But its the other things, the non-essentials that we turn into essentials sometimes. I'm letting them not get done.

And you know what?

Sometimes I have anxiety or even embarrassment about that still.

But most of the time its so nice to value my rest (which is a biblical mandate, I might add), and to spend time doing things that are good for my soul. I have much more time to do things with the people in my life that matter. I have more ability to enjoy and find beauty in the many treasures that surround me because I'm not constantly looking around, finding everything that is left 'undone', but instead, I am appreciating and reveling in the people, gifts and hobbies that God has given me.

And that is a better way to live.

I am thankful that He never leaves me the same way... and He cares about things like the way I approach rest and work.

I am better, healthier and more at peace because of it. And I wouldn't trade that for anything, even a spotless house.

Seek Peace and Pursue it

"and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you," 1 Thessalonians 4:11


I've read this verse hundreds of times, and as a child I remember thinking it was rather unfair... what about those of us that love to dance to loud, bumping music, or who scream on roller coasters or have big emotions? Those things aren't "quiet"-- after all, didn't the Lord make us this way?? I chuckle at my child interpretation now, because, clearly, that is not what this verse is saying... this verse has become monumental for me in the last several months. I may even consider it my 'life verse' at this juncture.

Other translations say 'make it your aim to live a quiet and peaceful life'... I have found that sentiment to be more and more appealing the older I get. I don't want drama, upheaval, tension and chaos--that finds us simply because we live in this broken world, but I certainly don't want to be the producer of more of it. 

The beauty of this verse is the practicality of it--  live as peacemakers. Seek to not meddle in other people's affairs, which almost always causes unnecessary tension and excess clamor, but 'seek peace and pursue it' (Psalm 34:14). 

According to Oxford Dictionary the meaning of the word 'peace' is: freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility. Folks, who doesn't want that? That is what our hearts long for-- freedom from disturbance, a quietness in our hearts and souls, ceasing of wars and violence... most people I know want to live peaceful lives. I love how the Bible is not only complete truth, but is also gives incredibly practical guidelines for living that are for our benefit. Its as though God knows the best, healthiest way for us to live and cares enough to share that with us... (imagine that!!)

This is not only something I think is crucial, God apparently thinks so too. Jesus promises his disciples in the book of John that he is leaving peace with them and that they need not to be afraid. The Bible is sprinkled with verses, such as the aforementioned that speak of the importance of God's peace, not only of possessing it, but of being sowers of it. Don't believe me? Check out these verses-- (1 Thess. 4:11, Psalm 34:14, John 14:27, 2 Thess. 3:16, 2 Cor. 13:11, James 3:18).

I find myself longing for and thriving in the quiet moments, simply sitting in my favorite green chair, thinking about life, praying for things that are weighing on me and allowing God's spirit to minister to my heart. It doesn't look glamorous from the outside, but it is life giving to my soul. I often think of when I will get to sit in my backyard, doing nothing but listening to the sounds of nature around me. 

I value family days, hanging out at home more now than I ever have. We don't have to be going on a wild road trip, we can be playing a card game at the kitchen table, and my heart is full. I love Sunday afternoons, snuggled on the couch, watching a movie with my sister that we've seen a hundred times, but is still our favorite. I'm convinced these are the quiet, peaceful moments that verse is talking about. Its the everyday things, living righteously before the Lord, allowing Him to be God, to deal with people's hearts and ugliness, and simply doing our best to love and live for Him. 

I've stopped chasing happiness, success, wealth... those things are only 'fillers' for what we're actually longing for. I don't think much of those things, but I do think much of seeking out peace, fulfillment in Him and righteousness. These are the constants, the indicators of Christ's presence in our lives and they're far more worth it and far more life giving than temporal things like money and happiness. 

Here is where things get sticky-- there are those who preach peace or who claim to 'hate drama' and yet they marinate in it constantly, always seeking out the new, juicy gossip, controlling other people and generally just creating upheaval wherever they go. Its tough for me to believe these folks when they claim to 'desire peace', because they are the very ones creating strife. If this is you, I implore you to stop. Its only creating hurt for yourself and those around you. If you don't know if this is you, ask yourself what feelings came up when you read this paragraph... feelings of guilt, defensiveness?? Ask those around you for their honest assessment. We are all works in progress, there is no shame in Christ, but He calls us to live in peace, not strife. 

There is no better way to live, than in quiet and peace-- and this comes through knowing Him. After all, how can we have true peace if we don't know the source of that peace? This has become one of the sweetest things in my relationship with Him, the peace that is a constant in my life.

Know Him, Know peace.