Seek Peace and Pursue it

"and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you," 1 Thessalonians 4:11


I've read this verse hundreds of times, and as a child I remember thinking it was rather unfair... what about those of us that love to dance to loud, bumping music, or who scream on roller coasters or have big emotions? Those things aren't "quiet"-- after all, didn't the Lord make us this way?? I chuckle at my child interpretation now, because, clearly, that is not what this verse is saying... this verse has become monumental for me in the last several months. I may even consider it my 'life verse' at this juncture.

Other translations say 'make it your aim to live a quiet and peaceful life'... I have found that sentiment to be more and more appealing the older I get. I don't want drama, upheaval, tension and chaos--that finds us simply because we live in this broken world, but I certainly don't want to be the producer of more of it. 

The beauty of this verse is the practicality of it--  live as peacemakers. Seek to not meddle in other people's affairs, which almost always causes unnecessary tension and excess clamor, but 'seek peace and pursue it' (Psalm 34:14). 

According to Oxford Dictionary the meaning of the word 'peace' is: freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility. Folks, who doesn't want that? That is what our hearts long for-- freedom from disturbance, a quietness in our hearts and souls, ceasing of wars and violence... most people I know want to live peaceful lives. I love how the Bible is not only complete truth, but is also gives incredibly practical guidelines for living that are for our benefit. Its as though God knows the best, healthiest way for us to live and cares enough to share that with us... (imagine that!!)

This is not only something I think is crucial, God apparently thinks so too. Jesus promises his disciples in the book of John that he is leaving peace with them and that they need not to be afraid. The Bible is sprinkled with verses, such as the aforementioned that speak of the importance of God's peace, not only of possessing it, but of being sowers of it. Don't believe me? Check out these verses-- (1 Thess. 4:11, Psalm 34:14, John 14:27, 2 Thess. 3:16, 2 Cor. 13:11, James 3:18).

I find myself longing for and thriving in the quiet moments, simply sitting in my favorite green chair, thinking about life, praying for things that are weighing on me and allowing God's spirit to minister to my heart. It doesn't look glamorous from the outside, but it is life giving to my soul. I often think of when I will get to sit in my backyard, doing nothing but listening to the sounds of nature around me. 

I value family days, hanging out at home more now than I ever have. We don't have to be going on a wild road trip, we can be playing a card game at the kitchen table, and my heart is full. I love Sunday afternoons, snuggled on the couch, watching a movie with my sister that we've seen a hundred times, but is still our favorite. I'm convinced these are the quiet, peaceful moments that verse is talking about. Its the everyday things, living righteously before the Lord, allowing Him to be God, to deal with people's hearts and ugliness, and simply doing our best to love and live for Him. 

I've stopped chasing happiness, success, wealth... those things are only 'fillers' for what we're actually longing for. I don't think much of those things, but I do think much of seeking out peace, fulfillment in Him and righteousness. These are the constants, the indicators of Christ's presence in our lives and they're far more worth it and far more life giving than temporal things like money and happiness. 

Here is where things get sticky-- there are those who preach peace or who claim to 'hate drama' and yet they marinate in it constantly, always seeking out the new, juicy gossip, controlling other people and generally just creating upheaval wherever they go. Its tough for me to believe these folks when they claim to 'desire peace', because they are the very ones creating strife. If this is you, I implore you to stop. Its only creating hurt for yourself and those around you. If you don't know if this is you, ask yourself what feelings came up when you read this paragraph... feelings of guilt, defensiveness?? Ask those around you for their honest assessment. We are all works in progress, there is no shame in Christ, but He calls us to live in peace, not strife. 

There is no better way to live, than in quiet and peace-- and this comes through knowing Him. After all, how can we have true peace if we don't know the source of that peace? This has become one of the sweetest things in my relationship with Him, the peace that is a constant in my life.

Know Him, Know peace. 

Lessons in Singleness

A few nights ago I sat with a friend-- legs crossed on her bed, reminiscing, rejoicing and crying as she prepares to marry in a few short months.

We talked about the sleepovers and spontaneous hang outs-- how easy it has been to get together at the drop of a hat. We cried that that will be more difficult in a few months. We encouraged each other and we reminded one another of who they are. It was so filling for our spirits.

At some point the conversation turned to me and she told me to let her know if ever the wedding talk becomes hard for me, as a single person and I need to take some time to breathe. I promised I would. But I also explained my current state, what He's been teaching me and how my mindset has changed, slowly but steadily over the last several years.

It took me a long time to come to this place. For so long I saw marriage as superior to singleness. I spent hours and hours thinking about and hoping for a spouse, wanting my crush to notice me...

I distinctly remember the first time my mindset started to change. I was in my college dorm room, a junior at the time, getting ready for my day, and the Lord gave me this sense of excitement and joy as I thought about being single. It was something I had never experienced before.

After that it was a million little things that continued to change my mind... it was the numerous singles that I bumped elbows with that were living so fully and so well, despite lacking a significant other. It was me choosing to invest in things that matter now, and believing that those things were worthwhile, even without a spouse by my side. It was realizing that I wouldn't have been able to be a Resident Assistant my senior year of University if I had been married. And man, I would have missed out. I wouldn't trade that for anything. It was being real honest with friends and mentors about how I felt and where I was at. It was countless prayers.

I explained it to my friend the other night as me having a massive feast of Italian food in front of me-- pasta, cheese, alfredo sauce-- the works... all the while lusting over her Mexican food feast. How often do we do that? Ignore our own rich blessings, in search of what we really want? How much do we actually end up missing out on in search of 'the good life'?

As I was talking to my friend I realized that its taken years, but I am finally at a place where I see marriage and singleness as equal in beauty, usefulness and status. Its embarrassing to admit how long it took, but it is the truth. I do not consider my life or status inferior to that of my married friends any longer. I consider my life different but equal. I also explained that if I had married young, I would likely never have learned this lesson. It was one of those things that needed to be learned through struggling with my current state of being, rather than being handed the thing that I wanted. I would have spent years, potentially even a lifetime believing the lie that marriage was superior to singleness, had I not been forced to struggle with the truth during my single years. And the Lord knew that was no way to live. So, I am convinced that at least part of the reason I am 26 and single is because I needed to come to that understanding, and it took years of doubt, struggle, prayers and tears to finally have a settled heart and mind.

I am thankful that our Father does not instantly give us what we want, the moment we want it. I would have likely still believed that destructive lie... and I would have missed out on so much of what I've learned, done and seen during my single years.

I am so grateful that I truly can echo that age old hymn that says,
'Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul'.

If you're struggling with your current status as a single person, I encourage you to find mentors, good friends-- people you can talk to and who will listen and encourage and cry with you. And I promise that the lessons you're learning now are worth it.

Keep living fully, and keep investing well, knowing you are loved now. 

Thoughts on Inauguration...

I didn't set out to write a post on Inauguration day, about inauguration day, but sometimes it just works out  that way...

This past election season was undoubtedly one of the most controversial, emotional, risky elections in the history of the United States. Many were unimpressed with both candidates and felt stuck. Many were over the election before it even happened... Some were satisfied with the results, others were discouraged, but overall I get the sense that people felt scared, stuck and powerless.

Social media was a battlefield, and dodging the bombs and spears that were being thrown was next to impossible. Opinions were being stated on every move that the candidates made. Skeletons were dug out of the closets and displayed for all to see. Selfish choices, words and actions were rampant... it seemed to bring out the worst in people.

There were also peacemakers who reminded and encouraged folks to show love and empathy even in the mess and rubble, and those people are heroes in my book-- an unwillingness to be a part of the mud slinging, name calling, and hate-filled rhetoric shows maturity and awareness and that is what changes the world.

I remember feeling burnt out, exhausted and utterly drained by the election before it even happened. I had opinions and fears and hopes in it all, but honestly, by the time November 8th arrived, part of me was breathing a sigh of relief, just wanting it to be over. I couldn't go on facebook without feeling discouraged and disappointed afterward. There was a tension in the air that seemed palpable. I did my best to steer away from political conversations during the holidays because I come from a passionate family when it comes to politics...

And now? I still feel burnt out. Sure, some of the heavy emotions have died down, but this is still one of the most divisive topics in our nation and around the world. People rejoice or people mourn, but there doesn't seem to be much unity in our land. People seem discouraged and defeated and, at times, prideful, arrogant and ungracious.

I suppose this post is atypical in that it doesn't have resolve, its mostly just a record of my thoughts regarding the election and the state of our nation currently, but I suppose if I were to leave a charge it would simply be this-- its easy to add to the noise, to stir up fear and anxiety, to allow resentment and bitterness to take root, and I get it, because there are legitimate concerns that many have... even so, I often wonder if the plethora of opinions out there just adds to the chaos and noise without doing much else.

Its much more difficult to stop and listen respectfully, even in disagreement. Or to show empathy and compassion when that is not being shown from those leading our country. It is hard to go home and love our families, putting ourselves last, staring fear in the face and saying "You will not win." But it is the way of Jesus. 

I am constantly amazed and convicted by his life. He didn't go over well, but it wasn't because he was being hateful, it was because the heart of man was wicked and unable to accept this dude that ate with sinners and forgave prostitutes. It was because he loved so radically and turned their cultural ideals upside down for the sake of the people he died for... Unwilling to budge on the truth, and yet the most compassionate, empathetic, loving, selfless person that ever walked the earth. That truth is humbling.

So I guess I am challenged to ask myself how I can approach this stinky pile of poo that has come about in the most Jesus-like way possible. It sounds so 90's to ask 'What Would Jesus Do?'-- but what if that is actually the single most important question we can ask? The way of Jesus is hard, it requires going against our natural inclinations, but it is the only way that brings life. It is the only way.

So, Ironically enough, at the risk of adding to the already deafening noise, I send my plea-- don't hide behind a computer screen, spouting out words you'd never dare say in person, don't run down the war-path, unwilling to hear any other thoughts and opinions, don't believe everything you read or hear. But do make love the goal, in every situation.

I tell my preschoolers constantly that they need to ask themselves before making choices, "Is this a good choice?" And, as elementary as it sounds, it is my encouragement to each of us (myself included). Is this a helpful conversation? Is this conversations filled with grace and empathy, or raucous opinions that will create division and strife? Is it necessary?

So, I will spend the next four years praying for the 45th president of the United States (2 Timothy 2:1-3). He will make decisions I will disagree with. He will disappoint. He might make decisions I will agree with as well. Regardless, I am called to pray and respect those in authority, and I will do just that. But I will not put my hope in a mere man. My hope was, is and will remain in the only constant in my life-- Jesus. No legislation, leader or politician can take that away.

I conclude with this-- from the most selfless, caring, strong, truthful, loving person that this world has ever and will ever know-- "By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35).

On Singleness

"...So, a beautiful young lady like yourself must have a lot of boys chasing you..." He prodded.

"Actually no." I stated.

"Oh, no boyfriend?" He questioned further.

"No, not right now." I added

"Well. We'll have to change that. I'll keep my eye out if I know of anyone..."

"Thanks." I chuckled.

The whole thing struck me as humorous. He was just curious about my life, as many friendly 70-something year olds are. We had spent the better portion of the morning assembling breakfast and lunch bags for the local homeless shelter during our church serve day. I had learned a great deal about his life, and he of mine. I appreciated the ease of conversation and the wisdom that he instilled.

I walked away, humbled that he thought me worthy of having 'boys chase me', and yet unsettled as I processed the conversation further.

Maybe I was unsettled because, deep down, I had the same thoughts circling.

Maybe it was because it struck a nerve as something I longed for and didn't have.

Maybe because, as unspoken as it is, it feels like a relationship is the expectations for 20-somethings. 

Maybe because it hit some lies and insecurities that I had been battling against for years. 

I suspect it was a little bit of all of the above.

A different version of the same conversation has happened numerous times during my adult life, as it does for many who go through long periods of singleness.

Just a few weeks ago, while at a Harvest Party one of the older women who I've known since childhood asked: "So, do you have a boyfriend?"

 When I responded that no, in fact, I did not have a boyfriend, she went on to talk about her sons and how they had gotten married in their later 20's, and early 30's... I think in attempts to bring some consolation to my single state.

Its entertaining to watch how people respond when the answer to their probing 'are you seeing anyone' question is 'no.' They always try to back pedal and give some assurance that 'it-will-happen-one day...' 'you've-just-gotta-wait-for -the-right-one', 'I'll-help-you-find-eligible-singles'... I let out an amused sigh.

Because I get it.

We love love. I place myself in that statement. Our culture is obsessed with the idea of romance... look no further than the movies playing on the big screen, the book we're reading, the netflix shows we're watching...

I condemn no one on this.

I guess I just wonder if we have it all backwards?

We were created for community, no doubt. The desire for relationship and romance is natural, and even healthy and normal.

But it seems to be the pinnacle for many.

The highest level one can reach in their adult life.

And to that I say, 'Really?!' 

Is being in a relationship really the most important thing I have to offer to the world?

Don't get me wrong, marriage is beautiful, ordained by God and is absolutely an important, growing, God-honoring part of the lives of some 90% of people that do marry at some point in their lives...

however... it is not the be all, end all of life. It is not the only thing that we have to offer the world.

I have had a lot of time to reflect on singleness as its been a fairly consistent thing for me during my adult years.

What used to seem like a curse and an embarrassment has slowly become a valuable blessing. I never thought I would say that about being single, but the Lord is persistent in teaching His children critical truths. Even for those that are stubborn... *ahem.*

In my singleness I am able to be the show-up-on-your-front-door-with-cookies-because-you're-sick friend.

I am able to be a part of many ministries, volunteer opportunities and pursue numerous passions because my time is my own.

I am able to empathize with others who are single, trying to navigate it in a world that is obsessed with relationships.

I am responsible to provide for myself alone, and to be generous with the excess I've been given.


I guess at the end of the day, my hope is that we can champion and encourage one another no matter their relationship status. That we can value the gifts that each brings to the table regardless of whether they have a ring on their left hand or not... we're all necessary parts of the larger body.

Let us love radically, give generously, sow kindness, pursue truth, regardless of relationship status.

YOU are valuable. YOU are loved. YOU are gifted. 
No strings attached. 

Stitch Fix #2

This is a lighthearted post, but still something I am excited about... STITCH FIX!

If you haven't heard of Stitch Fix, it is an organization that sends clothes and accessories straight to your door, based on a style profile that you fill out. In other words, the items are all personalized to fit your style and needs. You tell your stylist what you like,you pay for what you keep, and send back the rest. Its pretty genius really.

My second Fix came last week, and I was so pleased with it! If you're feeling the need to spruce up your wardrobe, here is the link to try out Stitch Fix stitchfix.com/referral/8738466. There is no sign up fee, and you only pay for the items you keep. There is a $20 styling fee that is taken off the total of your purchase if you choose to keep any items.

Another bonus: For those trying to shop ethically, just ask your stylist to send only clothing made in the USA or Canada!

I thought I'd share with you each of the five items I was sent, and whether it was a keeper or a return...

#1-- Terin Contrast Hem Knit Top

 Thoughts: I really liked this sweater. Its a light fabric that could easily be dressed up or dressed down. The color was perfect (I love me some maroon!) It was cozy, and I was really toying with the idea of keeping it. Its kind of hard to see in this picture, but there is a seam that goes across the waist area that I didn't love.

Verdict: Returned. In the end, I couldn't justify spending a little more than fit into my budget right now, on an item that I didn't love.


#2-- Millie Textured Knit Dress

Thoughts: I fell in love with this dress right when I saw it, and loved it even more after I put it on. It is classy, cute, versatile and super comfy. I love dresses, and the pattern on this one was easy to wear for numerous occasions. This one could also be dressed up or dressed down-- super convenient.

Verdict: Returned. I hated to return it, but when I got real I realized that I already have far too many dresses, and simply don't have enough occasions to wear all of them. It just wasn't practical for me to add another dress to my collection. It was also slightly above my price range, but would have been a quality purchase-- just wasn't something I could justify at this point. 

#3--  Wels Puffer Vest

Thoughts: I was on the fence about this one when I pulled it out of the box. I wanted to love it, but it has been so long since I wore vests, that I just wasn't sure. When I tried it on, I liked how soft and thick it was. It definitely felt like something that would keep me cozy and warm in the winter (important in the PNW)! 

Verdict: Returned. I decided to return it for a few reasons. First off, I didn't have enough items in my wardrobe that would go well with this vest, and second, I didn't love it. It might take me a while to get on the vest bandwagon. A quality product once again, but not something that fit my style right now.

 #4-- Heather Lace Detail Tab-Sleeve Blouse

Thoughts: I LOVED this top from the moment I pulled it out of the box. The fabric is high quality, and soft. The top is dressy, but could also be worn on a daily basis. Also, the color is GORGEOUS! Its hard to see in this picture, but the front v-neck is lined with lace, as well as the top several inches of the back. Lace is in right now, and it just so happens to be one of my favorite looks as well. Double bonus!

Verdict: Keeper!! I was so excited to add this piece to my wardrobe. There are so many things I can wear with it, and its light and airy fabric makes it breathable and versatile for changing seasons. 

 #5-- Addison Skinny Jean

Thoughts: Loved them on the hanger. Did not love them on me. They hugged all the wrong places and were a little bit too small. They were cute, but did not work for me. 

Verdict:  Returned. 

Overall, I was pleased with my second Fix, and I am excited for my third to arrive in January. I'm impressed with this company and its so fun to look forward to receive a fix (you get to choose how often and what day it arrives) on your doorstep! Its convenient and the stylists work hard to pick items that fit your price range and style preferences. 

I definitely recommend Stitch Fix if you're looking for a simple, quick, affordable option for adding some new pieces to your wardrobe!!

Learn more about Stitch Fix here: https://www.stitchfix.com/about 

Grace in the Grocery Store

Today, amidst the 100+ degree temps and my desire to stay inside, sleep and watch hours of Netflix... I decided to get out and do something semi-productive. I went to the grocery store. We needed a few things and I wasn't going to complain about getting out of the house (with no AC, mind you). So, away I went.

I found myself wandering through the aisles, looking mostly at things I didn't need. I stopped to grab some salsa and in the process I knocked a bottle of hot sauce off the shelf- the glass breaking , and hot sauce spilling all over aisle 16. To make it even better, the store clerk saw it all. I stood there as she called for 'clean up in aisle 16' and I was that person.

But just then another shopper strolled by and stopped. She looked at me with a smile and said "Oh, I've done that before, too". I smiled back and replied "Yeah, its easy to do."

Right then. Community. 
A stranger reaching out with kindness and grace.
Stopping to acknowledge me, even though I had just embarrassed myself.
Identifying and relating to me and gently reminding 'me too,' 'me too.'

She could have walked by without saying anything.
She could have judged or laughed.
She could have pretended not to notice.
But she didn't.
Her simple kindness, probably small in her eyes, meant the world to me.

Its not been an easy season of life.
I've been fighting against some seasonal depression.
I've been learning and growing and becoming brave as I sit in my counselor's office each week.
I've been struggling with loneliness and direction.
Its just felt heavy-- like I've been trudging uphill for far too long.
Anticipating the two year anniversary of my mom's passing.

I am convinced that kindness, noticing and validating others, and grace can change the world. What seems like a small act on the part of the giver, can be monumental on the receiving end.

So, as one who was the recipient of grace... I choose to scatter grace as well.
After all, grace is mine, and yours, in abundance.

Of his fullness we have received grace upon grace. (1 John 1:16). 

Be a life changer. Sow grace.

His.

I met with a friend/mentor recently, in one of our favorite, local coffee shops, and like always, we talked about a whole slew of things. Family. Jesus. Church. Work. Boys. And toward the end, the topic of 'singleness' came up. She is married with children, and I am single. I kind of love that two people, in different seasons of life can come together and enjoy, learn and grow with one another. I think it speaks to the beauty of diversity and community.

As I processed my thoughts on singleness, I explained that the older one gets in the church, the more it seems like you stand out if you're single. There are fewer and fewer singles in the church. I know the statistics, young people are leaving the church at alarming rates and Christians often get married young. I know all of that. But still, its sometimes difficult to realize that you are apart of a rapidly shrinking group of people. I suppose it is difficult not because singleness is bad (because its not), but because it feels as though fewer church-goers 'relate' to singleness in real time.

I sometimes wonder if the church champions and encourages singles, as well as it does families. There are 'Mom's groups' and 'young marrieds groups' and sometimes there are singles groups... but more often than not, singles groups feels like 'desperate, looking for a spouse, can-I-have-your-number' groups. I say this not to bash on small groups (I believe they are imperative), nor to bash on singles groups (thankful that there are others who are in the same season of life who are close to my age), but rather, to question the status quo.

Why aren't singles encouraged to radically pursue their passions and giftings and to love their families and friends well (even if that doesn't involve a significant other/fiance/spouse)

Why is the first question always 'are you seeing anyone?' (I am as guilty as the next person, I love talking about relationships... I am being convicted as I write).

Why do people assume that singles must be miserable/want to change their relationship status immediately/shocked because they're not dating?

Why do there seem to be subtle labels on someone based off of their relationship status?

Single? Why? What flaws do you have that make you undesirable? Surely you must want my help in finding a spouse. 

Married? Perfect. Now, how many kids do you/will you have? You must be so fulfilled having someone to love you day in and day out. 

Divorced? Scarlet letter. Yikes. Gasp. Look away. 

Its madness, and yet its so common. We label each other constantly. I hate it. I hate that it is inside of me and that I am quick to see someone for something like their relationship status.

Recently the Lord has been reminding me that we are so much more than that little box we mark on our taxes-- we are so much more than single, married, divorced, widowed. Yes, it makes a huge difference in our lives and the way we conduct ourselves (hopefully), but it is not our identity. 

I struggle with this. I am detailed and a black-and-white thinker. I like things labeled and orderly. But identity strips away all of the excess in our lives and reminds us that bare bones, our identity is thus:

HIS. His. Child of God. Loved. Made worthy. Forgiven. So, so loved. 

I like that a lot better than the speculation of what someone's relationship status means.
Being His is peace. And relationship status dies away... I am a child of God. He is my Father. Plain and simple.

I am glad that the Lord does not label us the way we often label ourselves or others. What a good, good Father He is.

Let us have His eyes. Let us see others as people radically loved by God. Perhaps we will be able to radically love them back, when we realize that that is our identity as well.

Be still and know.