During these last couple of months at home, God has really been moving inside of me. He's been showing me more of His incredible, awesome, and completely indescribable character. He's been showing me that in Him, my value is priceless. He calls me by name and He reminds me of my beauty in Him.
God speaks so gently to me and maybe the most profound thing that He's been showing me is that it is alright to make mistakes. That isn't really something that we hear very often in Christian circles. Its all about the 'rat race' and keeping up appearances, you know? Because, heaven forbid we ever struggle. Good grief. Those are big fat lies. God constantly uses flawed, imperfect, temperamental ragamuffins to work through in this world and to bring glory to His name. What an honor!
As I've been thinking about this, I realized that for most of my life I didn't allow myself to struggle. I didn't allow myself to fall or fail. Whenever I did, I felt as though I had let God down. I had let others down. And everyone else just had it all together. I expected near perfection from myself. It sounds really ridiculous, and it was, but it was so subconscious, I didn't even realize that that thinking was embedded in me until God really started to reveal it to me.
When God showed me that it was alright to make mistakes, it changed things for me. I stopped trying to 'be good enough' and I stopped feeling guilty about 'not doing enough' to advance the kingdom. It really, truly brought so much freedom to my life and my walk with Christ.
Those that God used throughout the Bible to advance His name were those with some of the worst resumes. But that didn't matter to God. He cares about a willing and humble heart, not how 'good' we look on the outside.
God uses all sorts, it is true. How about a former murderer of God's people, turned into one that planted churches and wrote much of the New Testament? How about a stubborn, hard headed disciple who denied he knew Jesus, and yet was one of three of Christ's closest friends while on earth? How about a young shepherd boy who trusted in God, and slayed a giant through the Father's strength, and later became king? The same one that also committed adultery and murder? He was called, by none other than God alone, 'A man after God's own heart.'
His love and grace floor me. I can't comprehend it, and I can't understand his mercies, which are new every morning, but I am honored that He wants to use me. I am so, so grateful that God desires to use those with a willing heart to bring glory to His name. It really is mind blowing. And I can say with complete confidence, and full assurance, that He is an incredible, GOOD God!
