As I processed my thoughts on singleness, I explained that the older one gets in the church, the more it seems like you stand out if you're single. There are fewer and fewer singles in the church. I know the statistics, young people are leaving the church at alarming rates and Christians often get married young. I know all of that. But still, its sometimes difficult to realize that you are apart of a rapidly shrinking group of people. I suppose it is difficult not because singleness is bad (because its not), but because it feels as though fewer church-goers 'relate' to singleness in real time.
I sometimes wonder if the church champions and encourages singles, as well as it does families. There are 'Mom's groups' and 'young marrieds groups' and sometimes there are singles groups... but more often than not, singles groups feels like 'desperate, looking for a spouse, can-I-have-your-number' groups. I say this not to bash on small groups (I believe they are imperative), nor to bash on singles groups (thankful that there are others who are in the same season of life who are close to my age), but rather, to question the status quo.
Why aren't singles encouraged to radically pursue their passions and giftings and to love their families and friends well (even if that doesn't involve a significant other/fiance/spouse)
Why is the first question always 'are you seeing anyone?' (I am as guilty as the next person, I love talking about relationships... I am being convicted as I write).
Why do people assume that singles must be miserable/want to change their relationship status immediately/shocked because they're not dating?
Why do there seem to be subtle labels on someone based off of their relationship status?
Single? Why? What flaws do you have that make you undesirable? Surely you must want my help in finding a spouse.
Married? Perfect. Now, how many kids do you/will you have? You must be so fulfilled having someone to love you day in and day out.
Divorced? Scarlet letter. Yikes. Gasp. Look away.
Its madness, and yet its so common. We label each other constantly. I hate it. I hate that it is inside of me and that I am quick to see someone for something like their relationship status.
Recently the Lord has been reminding me that we are so much more than that little box we mark on our taxes-- we are so much more than single, married, divorced, widowed. Yes, it makes a huge difference in our lives and the way we conduct ourselves (hopefully), but it is not our identity.
I struggle with this. I am detailed and a black-and-white thinker. I like things labeled and orderly. But identity strips away all of the excess in our lives and reminds us that bare bones, our identity is thus:
HIS. His. Child of God. Loved. Made worthy. Forgiven. So, so loved.
I like that a lot better than the speculation of what someone's relationship status means.
Being His is peace. And relationship status dies away... I am a child of God. He is my Father. Plain and simple.
I am glad that the Lord does not label us the way we often label ourselves or others. What a good, good Father He is.
Let us have His eyes. Let us see others as people radically loved by God. Perhaps we will be able to radically love them back, when we realize that that is our identity as well.
Be still and know.
