The Art of Humility

Last night I watched a Dr. Phil episode that involved a married couple, of which the husband was open about having an affair - a girlfriend on the side as well as many one night stands. He had been married to his wife for 23 years.

Today I read about a famous family - the biological dad has been in and out of prison on drug, alcohol and other such charges. This caused the mother, who now has her own family including two additional children with her current husband, to file a restraining order against biological dad because of his erratic and threatening behavior.

Before you judge me for ingesting trash, let me share what I noticed about these instances.

Both had something in common.

The perpetrator blamed the 'other'. The married man blamed his wife. If she had been more loving and had met his needs maybe he wouldn't have had an affair. And the guy with the restraining order blamed the biological mom for the reason that his relationship with his 10 year old son was strained.

What the actual hell?!

I reeled in disbelief. Is this really what our society has come to? An inability to take an honest look inward and admit fault and sin when it is clearly present? It seems we're more interested, as a society in saving face and covering for ourselves that we recklessly wound everyone around in an effort to not have to admit fault. It saddens and sickens me.

I'm preaching to the choir. If we're honest, we all do it. No one likes to admit wrongdoing. But it is imperative if we are going to live healthy lives and raise healthy children. Because not admitting fault leads to entitlement and entitlement creates the Brock Turner's of the world.

You know what's attractive and admirable, more than 'being right' and 'saving face'? Honesty. Integrity. Admitting fault. Humility. Gentleness.

This world doesn't give participation medals just for being present. And quite frankly, it doesn't matter if you are married to Cruella Devil - that never excuses infidelity. And blaming your baby mom for a strained relationship with your child when you've been reckless, irresponsible and a terrible example... It doesn't fly.

I'm not a mom yet, but I've spent a lot of time with kids. They are a treasure - each of them, but the moments I was most proud of my preschoolers was when they went out of their way to think of someone else. When they were kind and when they said sorry for hurting someone. I am convinced that if we can teach our children character and values above materialism and popularity, it will absolutely change the world.

So my plea to you, to the world and to myself is - don't be afraid of saying sorry when you mess up. It's a human reality. We all mess up. And humility looks good on you.

(By the way, for those that are Jesus followers - the ground at the cross is level. We are all equal at the foot of the cross. I also find it humorous and appropriate that the apostle Paul doesn't mince words when speaking to the church at Galatia about this subject):

On the New Year

As I reflect on a new year, looking back to the one just complete and forward to the brand new ahead, I am grateful and my heart is filled with peace. I have no huge, lofty resolutions or aspirations for 2019 - I do have things I'd like to do and accomplish, but they're more of general lifestyle shifts and adjustments. They're not so easily measured - they're mental shifts I guess you could say. I find that for me, adjustments and focus on new things are more attainable than a specific, lofty goal for the year (like going to the gym 5x a week or traveling to 3 new states).

Last year in March, as I was about to enter my 27th year, I felt specifically like the Lord said my 27th year would be one of peace, intimacy and joy. I'll spare you all the details, but let's just say six months in I looked back with confusion, defeat and doubt, questioning how the words the Lord had spoken could be true. It certainly didn't feel peaceful or joyful. I had/have plenty of wonderful things that I am grateful for - a job I love, friends and family that are supportive, a great church and a boyfriend that is steadfast and loving. It just seemed I was having a hard time experiencing the joy that I expected from all of this. I think I fell into a sort of depression for a while and I was tired. 

Now, 3/4 of my way through my 27th year I am beginning to see glimmers and sparks of that wonderful peace and joy that was promised back in March. 2018 and my 27th year did not look as I anticipated (does it ever?!) and yet I learned the value of waiting patiently, believing that the Lord speaks truth and pressing in to him when everything seems confusing. I've also learned to let go of a lot of expectations that do not serve me or those around me.

I guess going into 2019 I hope to love the Lord a little more fully, serve others a little more faithfully, take care of myself more regularly and simply learn to enjoy the present. The sticklers out there would say these are not 'good' goals because good goals must be attainable and measurable. These are more general principles or ideas. But honestly, I don't care, because for me, while the new year does bring new opportunities, so does each new day.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end

they are new every morning

great is thy faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

An interesting note on the book of Lamentations - it is named that because it is just that, a book of lament. After a difficult and challenging season and much destruction and desolation (of the city and temple) Jeremiah pens this book. It is essentially a book of grieving, and yet, he stops long enough to remember God's faithfulness and praise him in the midst of the grief and sorrow of his people. 

I am learning that there is always reason to praise. 

I am also learning that I don't need to wait until the 'new year' to make important changes. His mercies are new every morning. 

I am thankful that each day is a new chance to grow and praise and serve the Lord and others more fervently. 

2019, I'm ready for you and look forward to you with grateful anticipation.