"Actually no." I stated.
"Oh, no boyfriend?" He questioned further.
"No, not right now." I added
"Well. We'll have to change that. I'll keep my eye out if I know of anyone..."
"Thanks." I chuckled.
The whole thing struck me as humorous. He was just curious about my life, as many friendly 70-something year olds are. We had spent the better portion of the morning assembling breakfast and lunch bags for the local homeless shelter during our church serve day. I had learned a great deal about his life, and he of mine. I appreciated the ease of conversation and the wisdom that he instilled.
I walked away, humbled that he thought me worthy of having 'boys chase me', and yet unsettled as I processed the conversation further.
Maybe I was unsettled because, deep down, I had the same thoughts circling.
Maybe it was because it struck a nerve as something I longed for and didn't have.
Maybe because, as unspoken as it is, it feels like a relationship is the expectations for 20-somethings.
Maybe because it hit some lies and insecurities that I had been battling against for years.
I suspect it was a little bit of all of the above.
A different version of the same conversation has happened numerous times during my adult life, as it does for many who go through long periods of singleness.
Just a few weeks ago, while at a Harvest Party one of the older women who I've known since childhood asked: "So, do you have a boyfriend?"
When I responded that no, in fact, I did not have a boyfriend, she went on to talk about her sons and how they had gotten married in their later 20's, and early 30's... I think in attempts to bring some consolation to my single state.
Its entertaining to watch how people respond when the answer to their probing 'are you seeing anyone' question is 'no.' They always try to back pedal and give some assurance that 'it-will-happen-one day...' 'you've-just-gotta-wait-for -the-right-one', 'I'll-help-you-find-eligible-singles'... I let out an amused sigh.
Because I get it.
We love love. I place myself in that statement. Our culture is obsessed with the idea of romance... look no further than the movies playing on the big screen, the book we're reading, the netflix shows we're watching...
I condemn no one on this.
I guess I just wonder if we have it all backwards?
We were created for community, no doubt. The desire for relationship and romance is natural, and even healthy and normal.
But it seems to be the pinnacle for many.
The highest level one can reach in their adult life.
And to that I say, 'Really?!'
Is being in a relationship really the most important thing I have to offer to the world?
Don't get me wrong, marriage is beautiful, ordained by God and is absolutely an important, growing, God-honoring part of the lives of some 90% of people that do marry at some point in their lives...
however... it is not the be all, end all of life. It is not the only thing that we have to offer the world.
I have had a lot of time to reflect on singleness as its been a fairly consistent thing for me during my adult years.
What used to seem like a curse and an embarrassment has slowly become a valuable blessing. I never thought I would say that about being single, but the Lord is persistent in teaching His children critical truths. Even for those that are stubborn... *ahem.*
In my singleness I am able to be the show-up-on-your-front-door-with-cookies-because-you're-sick friend.
I am able to be a part of many ministries, volunteer opportunities and pursue numerous passions because my time is my own.
I am able to empathize with others who are single, trying to navigate it in a world that is obsessed with relationships.
I am responsible to provide for myself alone, and to be generous with the excess I've been given.
I guess at the end of the day, my hope is that we can champion and encourage one another no matter their relationship status. That we can value the gifts that each brings to the table regardless of whether they have a ring on their left hand or not... we're all necessary parts of the larger body.
Let us love radically, give generously, sow kindness, pursue truth, regardless of relationship status.
YOU are valuable. YOU are loved. YOU are gifted.
No strings attached.
