The Art of Self Care

It's been a busy, full and emotional few weeks for yours truly. Work has been full-- it's just the Spring season as we're prepping for some large events. And things in my personal life have been a bit taxing as well. Sometimes it feels like when it rains, it pours. I say that not from a place of bitterness, but just as an observed fact.

As someone who has struggled with general anxiety and a propensity to 'over-commit' for most of my life, I've learned to develop some self-care habits. This looks a little different for each person, but I've noticed there are a few common threads that a large majority of society can relate to, as far as things that bring refreshment and peace to a weary heart. I wanted to share some of my insights with you today, in hopes that, as a society we can truly become peaceful, joyful and refreshed individuals who aren't frantically running a million miles an hour, burning ourselves (and probably those around us) out.

'Rest' is a difficult concept for many. We're a society of 'doers' and we've been taught that our productivity is of utmost importance, because, quite frankly, that is where many gain their identity. For those that consider themselves Christians, rest, sabbath rest is in the Bible. God rested after creating the world and mankind. He didn't need to rest-- He is GOD, after all. He rested as an example to follow. Sabbath rest teaches us that the world continues to spin even when we're not doing anything-- God doesn't need our help. That should bring comfort.

"Self- care" is one of those phrases that seems to have made it's way into our lingo in the last decade or so, but I'm sure glad it did. These 'self care' tactics are ones I've found most helpful in my life:

Put down the phone (or ipad, laptop etc.)
I know, I cringe at this one too. We're a tech society and we have become dependent on our devices. Right now, I'm typing on my laptop, and my phone is to the left of me. Life feels a little more vulnerable, and I feel a little less control when I don't have my phone. But research has shown the negative effects of extended amounts of screen time... Put it down. You'll feel more centered, level-headed and more in touch with the world around you (ironic huh... feeling more in touch when we put our devices down...)

Get outdoors
Maybe that means camping, hiking or boating. Or maybe it's just something simple like taking a walk around the block or reading in the sunshine. I cannot tell you the number of times I've been worn out from battles I was fighting in my mind and I stepped outdoors, and for a few brief moments, my anxieties melted away and I was refreshed. Maybe it's the smell of the outdoor air, or the vitamin D, or just the fact that we were created to spend a whole lot more time outdoors than we do... but there is something that changes in our bodies and minds when we spend just a few minutes embracing creation in all of it's glory.

Practice saying 'no'
I am admittedly bad at this, but I have improved drastically over the past few years. This goes back to the concept of Sabbath rest. The world will not implode if we stop producing for a while. Seriously, try it. We are a worn out society because we feel unable, or unwilling to say 'no' to anything, for fear that we might miss out, that we'll let someone down, or that we'll be viewed as boring. I've said 'no' a few times in my life, and ya know, I was always glad I set aside time to just 'rest' and 'be.' I wasn't focused on 'doing' or 'producing', I was focused on being present, and it brought deep refreshment to my soul.

Find your rhythm
Let me unpack this a bit... each person has a different capacity and different needs. Some people have a large capacity and need to stay busier (notice I didn't say busy...) than others. Some have a smaller capacity and need significant 'down time' to be healthy. I am kind of middle of the road. I've realized that on the weekends, I need a plan. If I go into the weekend with nothing on the agenda I find myself bored, anxious and moody. On the other end, if I go in with a 'filled to the brim, busy-every-second weekend' I find myself anxious, moody, resentful and weary. Neither is good. I have found that my sweet spot is having one or two medium sized commitments each weekend. Maybe that looks like tackling a house project on Saturday and going to church and small group on Sunday. It varies, but the concept works. Find your rhythm.

Practice mindfulness
I get that this sounds very modern and 'new age-y', but there is something that happens biologically and mentally when we stop to focus on our breathing for a while. When we focus on taking deep breaths in and out and learn to simply focus on our current circumstances-- the chair beneath us, the air on our skin, the breath going in and out of our lungs. One resource I've found particularly helpful is headspace-- it's just a mindfulness app that leads you through 10 minute sessions of practicing 'being'. I've always come away calmer afterward. They can be found here: https://www.headspace.com/

Find your tribe
These are your people. The ones that know all about you and love you anyway. Some folks are more prone to 'verbally processing' than others, but regardless, having a few people in your inner circle wards off loneliness, shame and fear that often rears it's head in the silence and isolation of our own minds and hearts. These people support and speak truth when you need it. They are safe people.

Pray
I get that this sounds very 'Christian-y' and might not appeal to all. That's fine. But I've found in my own life that praying-- being completely honest with God about where I'm at, my fears, anxieties, joys, victories, hardships and everything in between has brought deep peace, even to situations that didn't have resolve. It brings perspective that we often lack on our own. Not to mention there are a ton of verses in the Bible that talk about praying and the power it possesses, but that is another post for another time. :)

There are dozens more ways to practice self-care, but these are some of the ones I've found most effective in my life.

What self care practices have you found most helpful?

Choice.

There have been a handful of times in my life that I have clearly heard the voice of the Lord, directing me a specific way.

There have been thousands of times that I've heard the Lord speak in general-- reminding me of truths of who He is, and who I am. Reminding me of His 'will' and His character. He's brought peace, joy and contentment when I least expected it. I cannot deny or overlook his fingerprints and presence on my life journey.

There have also been numerous (probably hundreds) of times that I have prayed, sought, asked for wisdom and desperately wanted to hear the Lord's opinion on a decision I needed to make. And sometimes I heard him, or at least had a sense of peace (another way I believe the Lord guides). I love specific direction. He knows this. And because of this tendency to need/want every stop along the way to be mapped out, he has also sometimes put the GPS back in my hands and has said "Your choice."

For some, being told that they get to choose would be heaven. For me, it felt like a death sentence. You see, somewhere along the timeline of my childhood years, I believed that if I got it 'wrong' there would be catastrophic consequences. I believed it was crucial to get it right. And that crippled me.

I was the rule-following child. I was the one that knew exactly what I believed to be right and wrong. I was the one that held tightly to my values and did not waver. This has both benefits and drawbacks. I was never wishy-washy in my beliefs. But I was also rigid and terrified of losing 'control' (that wasn't even mine to begin with).

As I entered my adult years, this way of thinking slowly started unraveling. The Lord gently showed me, through chapel speakers, books, conversations with wise friends and a myriad of other occurrences that actually, He's big enough to work in and through and despite my decisions. And that, contrary to popular belief, The 'okayness' of the world was not dependent on my ability to perfectly maneuver life.


Do not mishear me. God does guide and he does give specific direction and works in ways that are mind blowing-- what we often call 'God stories'- the only way it can be explained is 'God.' I love those moments. I've got many that I am grateful for. But God is also not a dictator. He gives general principles and guidelines, like any good Father, to keep us safe, but he does not dictate every move, every decision and every step of our lives.

I love that he also knows his kids. Earthly parents often parent their children differently, based off of the child's needs and tendencies. For a child that is more prone to impulsion and risky behavior, they may hold to some stricter guidelines, to protect the child and bring some structure to their life. For a child that is a rule-beater and a perfectionist, they will likely have more flexible standards, because they know that child is less likely to engage in behavior that is 'risky'.

In my own life, this has translated to the Lord more often than not making allowing me to choose. As long as my decision is not unwise or sinful, and follows the earmarks laid out in scripture, I am free to decide whether I'd like to attend this University or that University. I am free to decide whether I'd like to pursue music or art. I can decide if I want to move or stay put. I can even choose who I date and marry.

I've started to wonder if God, allowing his children choice, still showing up, and leaving his God fingerprints all over those decisions isn't sometimes more of a testimony than Him showing up when He's given specific instructions.

You see, I lost my mom at 23, at the beginning of my senior year of University. I was an R.A. and a Psych major and it broke me for several months. I was in a fog, and felt everyday like I was trying to peddle a bike uphill, in first gear. I was exhausted. And God, in His providence, brought the perfect people to my life during that season of grief. People that were kind, generous, not afraid of discomfort, and who allowed me to grieve as I needed. This is what I call a 'God moment' (or season, in this case).

However, as crucial as these friends and confidantes were, I also believe he would have brought those people to me if I had attended a different University. And what a cool thing to realize that God was not limited by my decision in that moment. He knew what was going to happen on September 14, 2014. He was not surprised by the death of my mom. And if I had gone to University in Texas or Wisconsin, or Maine, he also would have showed up and brought good, God-fearing, genuine friends to walk me through that season. He worked in the midst of the decision I had made, because His power and ability was/is not limited by my choices. I think that shows the 'bigness' and creative heart of God sometimes more than when He shows up and I expect him to. You see, when He gives me a specific direction, I expect Him to show up. When He doesn't give me specific direction, I sometimes doubt if He'll show up.

I think of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden-- paradise on earth. God gave them one rule. They were not to eat from the tree in the middle of the garden, and if they did, they would die (Genesis 2 & 3). I imagine that was enough for them. I doubt they stopped and asked God before they ate from the plum tree in the corner of the garden, if that was alright. I doubt they asked before they sucked the nectar from the a peach from the north edge of the garden if that was allowed. That would have been silly and unnecessary, because God had already given them the guidelines, and anything within those guidelines was fair game. They could enjoy it to their heart's content. They could also choose to not eat any fruit or berry that they didn't enjoy. They were, outside of God's one rule, free to partake without fear. They were free to choose.


And, I believe, we are also free. We are free to partake as long as it doesn't contradict God's character or guidelines he's already laid out. We are free to partake as long as it doesn't go against something He's clearly spoken to our hearts and consciences (1 John 3:21, 1 Timothy 4).

What hope this brings to souls that are in need of rest, grace and truth. We are in Him and He is in us. There is an automatic freedom we walk in, knowing that, even if we do stumble, His grace, mercy and Father's heart is big enough, strong enough and willing enough to pick us back up, brush off our skinned knees, and continue to walk with us, enjoying the scenery, whether that is mountains and trees, or rivers and meadows. There is much to be learned and gained from each landscape, and, I am convinced, that He, the creator of it all, enjoys each new season and each new bend in the road.

This is freedom.