The Spice of Life

I think its safe to say I am a fairly 'emotional' person. Not as in I have emotions (because everyone has emotions) but in that I wear my heart on my sleeve and don't hide my emotions very often.

I have been self conscious about this throughout my life. It isn't really condoned in our 'pick-yourself-up-by- your-bootstraps society.' Even among females. It actually might be condoned less amongst females in that it is brushed off and attributed to her gender, hormones, PMS or general craziness. These could all be true, but that isn't really doing the reality of very present and real emotions justice.

I am an emotional person. And you know what? That shouldn't be a problem. I was born this way (no, I am NOT quoting Lady Gaga, although I do enjoy some of her music... I digress). I was born with a large palette of emotions within this heart of mine, and while often times it seems like those emotions come and attack me, they're not fake. And something that I've even had to continually remind myself of-- they're not because I'm crazy. I am crazy, I'm sure. But my raw and real emotions are not present because of that craziness.

And another truth about these emotions-- I am convinced that they can and do bless the Father's heart. I don't say that simply to condone my tendency to cry at weddings or baby showers, but because they were given to me by Him.

Whenever I start to get insecure about my tears that come without warning sometimes, I am reminded of those that came before. David-- the 'man after God's own heart' that has become one that we speak highly of, and that God spoke highly of, was also, highly emotional. Don't believe me?? Read through the Psalms. Its all there. Its like reading David's journal. In one psalm he is praising God and singing and dancing with the tambourine and the next he is speaking of how his enemies pursue him from every side. He cries out to God in anguish. And you know what?? It was all true. Those were real things that David was feeling and no one ever judges him for having those emotions.

So why do we judge people today for being 'emotional beings'? Yes, it may be subtle judgement, but its there nonetheless. Hear me out-- coming from someone that does cry more than my 8 year old cousin, please don't judge. I am not crazy. You are not crazy. The presence of emotions does NOT automatically denote 'craziness.' Crying is a release, it feels good to cry when I am overwhelmed and confused. Sometimes, you just need a good cry. Nothing wrong with that.

I was blessed by a friend who, when I told her that I was having an emotional day said this--
"I like that about you, people who don't have emotions aren't really living" I don't think I had ever heard someone say that before. But it blessed this heart.

So. There you have it. I am learning that variety really is the spice of life. I hope you agree. And I hope that although we're different, we can learn to not only accept, but also appreciate our differences.

Ta ta for now!

I want to soar

I've said it a million times, and, at the risk of being repetitive, I'll say it again-- I love the country. I was out there today, and its like, when I am in the country, I am physically free to run, jump, hop, walk and wander as far as my heart desires. And maybe there is a connection between that physical freedom, and my heart's freedom. I feel more free to soar and dream when I am in the country.

I look out over the rolling hills, to the coast range mountains. I see the little cars drive by, a mile or more away. I see a house or two, maybe a barn and a silo. And in that I feel like I could run forever. And I would most definitely run out of breath before I run out of land!

I think of the wild stallions and lions and gazelle. They are FREE. There isn't anything that ropes them in, they are free to wander, hunt, hide, run, and go wherever they please. They might even see more of the world than many humans ever do, because, they are not afraid of uncharted territory. They are not afraid of what tomorrow might hold. They aren't afraid of what their little animal friends might think. I mean, I guess they do run around naked, so not a lot phases them. They think only about the present. And they travel in packs.

I can't help but think that that should be us-- what is holding us back from dreaming? Is it the fear of tomorrow? Is it the fear of what other people think? Is it finances? Is it fear of the unknown?? Those are all very real fears. I understand that, I have lived all of those. And yet, in the moments when I've been gripped by those fears, those were the times when I didn't dream. Those were the times when my heart didn't soar. The unknown was too scary and I became self pitying. I am convinced, no one wants to live like that.

I don't have a secret formula, or a step by step guide on dreaming. If I did, I would share it, but unfortunately, the guide was lost in translation. Truth be told, I don't know what the future holds for you or for me, but, cheesy as it sounds, I do know the one that holds my future. He is the one that planted dreams inside this heart before I even realized them. They were His dreams before they were mine. And that is a beautiful thought. And through him I am FREE. I am free to dream, soar, and love. He is freedom and peace. I can't think of much else that is more exciting than that.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

John 8:36