Am I Good Enough Now? (Part I)

"Yeah, I always feel like someone could do my job so much better than me", she confessed over a cafeteria lunch on that overcast Spring day.

I was astonished-- she is so, so good at her job. Like, it amazes me how dedicated, disciplined and caring she is through her leadership.

We continued talking, honestly divulging our deep seated fears and uncertainties over our job performance. I wondered if I was the best person for the job, and she wondered the same. I told her that at the end of the day I really want to be accepted and I long for approval of man. She confessed the same. And in that moment we realized how similar we were-- two young women, seeking to serve the Lord, attending a small Christian University, who were afraid of disappointing others.

And if experience has taught me anything, I don't think we're alone.

I work with a lot of people. I have a lot of conversations. I hear a lot of fears. And the more time I spend hearing people's stories, the more I realize that a resounding question of the human race, is this: "Am I good enough?" Everyone seems to be asking it.

Deep down, we fear that we are failing, that we are a disappointment, that we aren't quite good enough. That somehow everyone else has found the secret to 'having it all together' and somehow we never got the memo.

Our conversation continued, and I told her "I think where the problem comes in for me is through comparison. We compare our insides to everyone else's outsides..."

As I think about this epidemic, I wonder where we got off thinking that we aren't 'good enough.' I wonder who made us believe that? I wonder who spoke those lies?

I have some educated guesses, but who gets to override what the Lord says and tell us that we are a failure, a disappointment, that we're not accepted?

The lies are so embedded, sometimes it feels nearly impossible to untangle the truth from the lies and to throw out the lies and grasp tightly to the truth.

I don't have the answers to this dilemma, but I invite you to join me for this series, asking and attempting to answer the age old question: "Am I good enough?"

More than I can Handle

"God won't give you more than you can handle."

I hear well meaning Christians say this often. Many times it is thrown because of discomfort or in an effort to ease the pain of a friend or family member. The intention is good, but the idea is false. It is not found anywhere in scripture (although a verse in 1 Corinthians talking about temptation is often quoted in order to make this point).

I guess having lost my mother at far too young an age and long before I was 'ready' for it makes me reject this notion. It was more than I could handle.
I was a mess and grief shook me to the core.

Almost six months later, I am in a healthy place. I am not so fearful. Not so scared. Not so drained and exhausted. Not searching for words constantly.

And I guess my point is this-- while I understand and appreciate the sentiment behind this idea, for the one who has suffered deep loss and trauma, this just sounds like a pat answer. And it isn't true.

I could not handle losing my mom. I wasn't prepared. But the story doesn't end there. I didn't have to be able to 'handle' it. I didn't have to be strong enough. I couldn't be, no matter how hard I tried. I simply couldn't be.

But, long before that day I began a relationship with the One who could handle it. Long before that day I put my trust in the One who holds and handles the world and was also big enough to hold my problems. And that brought more peace than anything else. 

This notion of needing to be strong enough only leads to striving, working harder and becoming discouraged and disillusioned when we fail.

So I encourage you to seek out the One who can hold and handle your problems. There is nothing He can't handle. That is very good news.