I used to think that growing up and becoming an adult was an uninterrupted journey upward. Like I would become incredibly well-rounded, amazingly great at handling all of life's problems and I would just get better and better.... whatever that means.
Having actually entered adulthood and realizing what a shit-show it can be, I rescind that idea. Maybe it's because it just hasn't been the way things have panned out. Sure, I've gotten better at resolving conflict, I've learned breathing techniques to practice when I feel like panicking, and I actually pack my own lunch before I go to work every morning. Gold stars all around.
In reality, life seems to work more like a roller coaster-- high points filled with hope, ecstasy and enjoyment and dips filled with anxiety, fear and despair. And there is a lot of middle ground, and some loops and twists and turns. None of them can be labeled "good" or "bad" per se, but they just are. It's a part of life.
Maybe it's also because I've felt extremely incapable of juggling all that life has thrown my way recently. I've found myself cycling mentally-- unable to get out of slumps. I realize that things don't just 'get better' the older we get. It does seem that life gets sweeter. Anxiety lessens, we learn to let go of things that aren't a big deal and our friendships deepen... but I don't become more and more superhuman just because I've traveled one more cycle around the sun.
In some ways, this is disheartening. It's discouraging to realize your naive hopes of somehow becoming 'the one who has it all together' are a fantasy. Expectations kill.
In the same breath, it's liberating. Because people seem to open up more and be more willing to share their crap as life goes on as well. Vulnerability increases. Confidence increases. I have learned of massive happenings from my childhood friends' lives more as an adult than I ever did as a child. We wade through the muck together and there is community building in that. I wouldn't trade that for a fantasy of perfection any day. The beauty that comes from deeper and more intimate relationships is priceless. It's what happens when we're willing to admit that we too, (along with the rest of the world) don't have it all together.
All that to say, I've felt pretty exhausted lately. For numerous reasons. I'm realizing it's time to do some "winter cleaning"-- some de-cluttering of my life. Feel free to check in and hold me accountable as to how this 'de-cluttering' is going. It's not so much of a material de-cluttering, although that is always helpful. It is more of a mental and spiritual de-cluttering.
I came to the realization recently, while texting a friend about a continual issue in my life, that I often struggle to discern the voice of the Lord over my own voice, or the voice of the world, because there is too much clutter floating in my head. It's a constant stream of input. Netflix. Youtube. Facebook. Pinterest. People's opinions. Blogs. None of these bad, but all of these adding to the chaos in my brain.
So, it's time for some brutal pruning. It's time to cut back my media and internet time and spend more time in nature, painting, hiking, reading and doing other things that refresh and bring clarity.
Maybe this is a New Year's Resolution. It sure seems to be coming at the perfect time. Maybe it's just a reality. Either way, I want to ring in 2018 with a de-cluttered mind and heart. And a heart that knows what it is to have peace in Him.
Maybe it's time for you to do the same. Join me?
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Saturday, September 16, 2017
An Amateurs Thoughts on Modern Dating
Maybe its just me, but I'm not really into modern dating...
I know, dating is supposed to be fun. But honestly, in my experience it's been exhausting. Trying to interpret the 'signs' and putting myself out there enough, but not too much. And not being able to go out on a date without eyebrows raised, asking about when the wedding is.
Good lord.
No wonder there are so many hurting hearts and folks getting strung along for a year, two, three, because no one is rising up to communicate with honor and respect.
It feels like a maze. But with trap doors and pits and dead ends all over.
I'm kind of over it.
I've been told that I'm an old soul and that I'm old school. I'm alright with both of those labels-- because they're true. And because I think there is actually a lot of untapped goodness of being 'old school'.
I don't think that men have do to the asking out. But I sure hope they will.
I cannot explain the value, trust, honor, character and courage it communicates when the men do the asking.
Also, when you're straightforward about your intentions, you gain mad respect in my book. No one is proposing marriage on the first date, but you think I'm interesting? Tell me. Want to get to know me better. Communicate that.
Its hard. I get it. Being honest about our deep and inward thoughts and feelings always is. But its also the most worth it thing. Its also a really solid foundation to start building a relationship on. Communication is key to healthy relationships.
Dating is hard. I don't think it has to be, but I think because humans are complicated, and there are emotions and hormones and infatuation and over-analyzing involved, it gets messy pretty quickly.
But I believe we can date better. I believe we can honor and respect one another by being straightforward.
I believe we can show strength of character and godliness while dating by being willing to courageously communicate about things that matter, from the get go.
So, maybe its just me that isn't really that fond of modern cultural dating, but I have a feeling I'm not alone in this...
After all, good communication shows respect and love to others, and they will know we are Christians by our love, right?
We can do better.
*Matt Chandler, pastor of the Village Church has been an influence on my life-- he speaks about this phenomenon here. Also, our dating issues relate back to both men and women. We can all do better.
I know, dating is supposed to be fun. But honestly, in my experience it's been exhausting. Trying to interpret the 'signs' and putting myself out there enough, but not too much. And not being able to go out on a date without eyebrows raised, asking about when the wedding is.
Good lord.
No wonder there are so many hurting hearts and folks getting strung along for a year, two, three, because no one is rising up to communicate with honor and respect.
It feels like a maze. But with trap doors and pits and dead ends all over.
I'm kind of over it.
I've been told that I'm an old soul and that I'm old school. I'm alright with both of those labels-- because they're true. And because I think there is actually a lot of untapped goodness of being 'old school'.
I don't think that men have do to the asking out. But I sure hope they will.
I cannot explain the value, trust, honor, character and courage it communicates when the men do the asking.
Also, when you're straightforward about your intentions, you gain mad respect in my book. No one is proposing marriage on the first date, but you think I'm interesting? Tell me. Want to get to know me better. Communicate that.
Its hard. I get it. Being honest about our deep and inward thoughts and feelings always is. But its also the most worth it thing. Its also a really solid foundation to start building a relationship on. Communication is key to healthy relationships.
Dating is hard. I don't think it has to be, but I think because humans are complicated, and there are emotions and hormones and infatuation and over-analyzing involved, it gets messy pretty quickly.
But I believe we can date better. I believe we can honor and respect one another by being straightforward.
I believe we can show strength of character and godliness while dating by being willing to courageously communicate about things that matter, from the get go.
So, maybe its just me that isn't really that fond of modern cultural dating, but I have a feeling I'm not alone in this...
After all, good communication shows respect and love to others, and they will know we are Christians by our love, right?
We can do better.
*Matt Chandler, pastor of the Village Church has been an influence on my life-- he speaks about this phenomenon here. Also, our dating issues relate back to both men and women. We can all do better.
Blogger Krysti Wilkinson has been another influence on my thoughts regarding dating. Soak in the words below, as many of my thoughts were spurred by this, and other similar blog posts:
Sunday, July 9, 2017
On Letting Things Not Get Done
Boundaries.
Something our culture struggles with. Big time.
Something I have struggled with most of my life.
This is not a new concept for me. I've been mulling over it for quite some time. And as simple of a concept it is, actually living it out has been so hard but also transformative in my personal life.
I was walking with a friend a few weeks ago, around the baseball fields a mere two blocks from my home. We've walked it many times in our years of friendship. I was telling her that I am at a place in my life where I have to be alright with things not getting done. Our house is a mess 95% of the time. There is clutter and un-vacuumed floors. There is laundry and dishes piled high in the sink. We suck at grocery shopping (and despise it) and keeping the basic food continually stocked is a major chore. Its just the time in life that we find ourselves...
Dad is finishing building a home for our family. Its a full time job, and an exhausting one. I am working full time and have an active social life outside of that. I just switched jobs and now have an hour and a half commute round trip. My sister is home, but is prepping for Grad School in a few short weeks and catching up with friends before she goes.
Life doesn't slow down.
For someone who values tidiness, organization and order, this can be an issue. It used to bother me to no end when the house was a mess. I used to feel embarrassed, and unable to rest until it was orderly again. So I would spend my extra time cleaning and wear myself out when I should have been resting, being refreshed and doing things that filled my heart.
Now, I understand the insatiable need some of us have to clean. I have always felt like my ability to rest hinges on more than having a spot to lay my head... my surroundings also played into it to a large degree. If my surroundings felt orderly, my mind could rest easily. If my surroundings felt chaotic, so did my mind. Some will understand this plight. Others won't. That's alright.
Even so, I realized recently that all of my running around, trying to check off boxes of my imaginary 'to do' list was often more harmful than helpful. I found myself equally as drained at the end of a weekend as I was after a week of work... I was not being refreshed and constantly felt the need to 'fix' and 'change' my environment so I could 'rest', but I was never actually resting. The work is endless. There is always something more to be done. That is the nature of being an involved adult.
So, slowly, through conversations with the Lord, and through sheer need, I started to 'let go' of some of this incessant need to have things neat, tidy and orderly. I stopped running to the store four times a week because there was something else we forgot last time. I stopped letting it bother me so much when things didn't feel up to par with how I wanted them. I let them go. And I started valuing rest. And setting boundaries.
I truly believe that learning to rest, and setting boundaries go hand-in-hand. I don't believe one can be a good rester if they neglect setting boundaries.
You see, rest comes when we don't allow other supposed necessities steal our time or our joy, and we decide to care for ourselves, steward our bodies and our health well, and just take a break.
Sometimes that looks like physically resting. Taking a nap. Lounging on a Saturday morning.
Sometimes it looks like doing things we love. For me that is painting, hiking, crafting, gardening, and camping.
Sometimes it looks like time away from technology and the constant 'noise' that surrounds.
Sometimes it looks like coffee in one hand, journal in the other, writing about life and allowing other things to take a back seat for a while.
Its so hard. Excruciatingly hard sometimes.
I would argue that most of us weren't taught how to rest well and value our health or 'self care' very highly. Most of us were taught to keep up with the Joneses, to accomplish, to do, to keep going and to never stop. There is some merit to that, but it gets in and affects every fiber of our being and robs our ability to just stop and breathe and enjoy life.
Sabbath rest teaches us that the world keeps spinning without our help (Someone much smarter than me said that. I read it somewhere, and cannot remember where, but I give credit to the genius that said it long before me).
So lately I've been being challenged by myself, and I think by the Lord too, to let things not get done. Not the big things. Those always get done. We've got food to eat, a roof over our head and clothes to put on our backs. We've got friends and family. The important things are taken care of. But its the other things, the non-essentials that we turn into essentials sometimes. I'm letting them not get done.
And you know what?
Sometimes I have anxiety or even embarrassment about that still.
But most of the time its so nice to value my rest (which is a biblical mandate, I might add), and to spend time doing things that are good for my soul. I have much more time to do things with the people in my life that matter. I have more ability to enjoy and find beauty in the many treasures that surround me because I'm not constantly looking around, finding everything that is left 'undone', but instead, I am appreciating and reveling in the people, gifts and hobbies that God has given me.
And that is a better way to live.
I am thankful that He never leaves me the same way... and He cares about things like the way I approach rest and work.
I am better, healthier and more at peace because of it. And I wouldn't trade that for anything, even a spotless house.
Something our culture struggles with. Big time.
Something I have struggled with most of my life.
This is not a new concept for me. I've been mulling over it for quite some time. And as simple of a concept it is, actually living it out has been so hard but also transformative in my personal life.
I was walking with a friend a few weeks ago, around the baseball fields a mere two blocks from my home. We've walked it many times in our years of friendship. I was telling her that I am at a place in my life where I have to be alright with things not getting done. Our house is a mess 95% of the time. There is clutter and un-vacuumed floors. There is laundry and dishes piled high in the sink. We suck at grocery shopping (and despise it) and keeping the basic food continually stocked is a major chore. Its just the time in life that we find ourselves...
Dad is finishing building a home for our family. Its a full time job, and an exhausting one. I am working full time and have an active social life outside of that. I just switched jobs and now have an hour and a half commute round trip. My sister is home, but is prepping for Grad School in a few short weeks and catching up with friends before she goes.
Life doesn't slow down.
For someone who values tidiness, organization and order, this can be an issue. It used to bother me to no end when the house was a mess. I used to feel embarrassed, and unable to rest until it was orderly again. So I would spend my extra time cleaning and wear myself out when I should have been resting, being refreshed and doing things that filled my heart.
Now, I understand the insatiable need some of us have to clean. I have always felt like my ability to rest hinges on more than having a spot to lay my head... my surroundings also played into it to a large degree. If my surroundings felt orderly, my mind could rest easily. If my surroundings felt chaotic, so did my mind. Some will understand this plight. Others won't. That's alright.
Even so, I realized recently that all of my running around, trying to check off boxes of my imaginary 'to do' list was often more harmful than helpful. I found myself equally as drained at the end of a weekend as I was after a week of work... I was not being refreshed and constantly felt the need to 'fix' and 'change' my environment so I could 'rest', but I was never actually resting. The work is endless. There is always something more to be done. That is the nature of being an involved adult.
So, slowly, through conversations with the Lord, and through sheer need, I started to 'let go' of some of this incessant need to have things neat, tidy and orderly. I stopped running to the store four times a week because there was something else we forgot last time. I stopped letting it bother me so much when things didn't feel up to par with how I wanted them. I let them go. And I started valuing rest. And setting boundaries.
I truly believe that learning to rest, and setting boundaries go hand-in-hand. I don't believe one can be a good rester if they neglect setting boundaries.
You see, rest comes when we don't allow other supposed necessities steal our time or our joy, and we decide to care for ourselves, steward our bodies and our health well, and just take a break.
Sometimes that looks like physically resting. Taking a nap. Lounging on a Saturday morning.
Sometimes it looks like doing things we love. For me that is painting, hiking, crafting, gardening, and camping.
Sometimes it looks like time away from technology and the constant 'noise' that surrounds.
Sometimes it looks like coffee in one hand, journal in the other, writing about life and allowing other things to take a back seat for a while.
Its so hard. Excruciatingly hard sometimes.
I would argue that most of us weren't taught how to rest well and value our health or 'self care' very highly. Most of us were taught to keep up with the Joneses, to accomplish, to do, to keep going and to never stop. There is some merit to that, but it gets in and affects every fiber of our being and robs our ability to just stop and breathe and enjoy life.
Sabbath rest teaches us that the world keeps spinning without our help (Someone much smarter than me said that. I read it somewhere, and cannot remember where, but I give credit to the genius that said it long before me).
So lately I've been being challenged by myself, and I think by the Lord too, to let things not get done. Not the big things. Those always get done. We've got food to eat, a roof over our head and clothes to put on our backs. We've got friends and family. The important things are taken care of. But its the other things, the non-essentials that we turn into essentials sometimes. I'm letting them not get done.
And you know what?
Sometimes I have anxiety or even embarrassment about that still.
But most of the time its so nice to value my rest (which is a biblical mandate, I might add), and to spend time doing things that are good for my soul. I have much more time to do things with the people in my life that matter. I have more ability to enjoy and find beauty in the many treasures that surround me because I'm not constantly looking around, finding everything that is left 'undone', but instead, I am appreciating and reveling in the people, gifts and hobbies that God has given me.
And that is a better way to live.
I am thankful that He never leaves me the same way... and He cares about things like the way I approach rest and work.
I am better, healthier and more at peace because of it. And I wouldn't trade that for anything, even a spotless house.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
Seek Peace and Pursue it
"and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you," 1 Thessalonians 4:11
I've read this verse hundreds of times, and as a child I remember thinking it was rather unfair... what about those of us that love to dance to loud, bumping music, or who scream on roller coasters or have big emotions? Those things aren't "quiet"-- after all, didn't the Lord make us this way?? I chuckle at my child interpretation now, because, clearly, that is not what this verse is saying... this verse has become monumental for me in the last several months. I may even consider it my 'life verse' at this juncture.
Other translations say 'make it your aim to live a quiet and peaceful life'... I have found that sentiment to be more and more appealing the older I get. I don't want drama, upheaval, tension and chaos--that finds us simply because we live in this broken world, but I certainly don't want to be the producer of more of it.
The beauty of this verse is the practicality of it-- live as peacemakers. Seek to not meddle in other people's affairs, which almost always causes unnecessary tension and excess clamor, but 'seek peace and pursue it' (Psalm 34:14).
According to Oxford Dictionary the meaning of the word 'peace' is: freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility. Folks, who doesn't want that? That is what our hearts long for-- freedom from disturbance, a quietness in our hearts and souls, ceasing of wars and violence... most people I know want to live peaceful lives. I love how the Bible is not only complete truth, but is also gives incredibly practical guidelines for living that are for our benefit. Its as though God knows the best, healthiest way for us to live and cares enough to share that with us... (imagine that!!)
This is not only something I think is crucial, God apparently thinks so too. Jesus promises his disciples in the book of John that he is leaving peace with them and that they need not to be afraid. The Bible is sprinkled with verses, such as the aforementioned that speak of the importance of God's peace, not only of possessing it, but of being sowers of it. Don't believe me? Check out these verses-- (1 Thess. 4:11, Psalm 34:14, John 14:27, 2 Thess. 3:16, 2 Cor. 13:11, James 3:18).
I find myself longing for and thriving in the quiet moments, simply sitting in my favorite green chair, thinking about life, praying for things that are weighing on me and allowing God's spirit to minister to my heart. It doesn't look glamorous from the outside, but it is life giving to my soul. I often think of when I will get to sit in my backyard, doing nothing but listening to the sounds of nature around me.
I value family days, hanging out at home more now than I ever have. We don't have to be going on a wild road trip, we can be playing a card game at the kitchen table, and my heart is full. I love Sunday afternoons, snuggled on the couch, watching a movie with my sister that we've seen a hundred times, but is still our favorite. I'm convinced these are the quiet, peaceful moments that verse is talking about. Its the everyday things, living righteously before the Lord, allowing Him to be God, to deal with people's hearts and ugliness, and simply doing our best to love and live for Him.
I've stopped chasing happiness, success, wealth... those things are only 'fillers' for what we're actually longing for. I don't think much of those things, but I do think much of seeking out peace, fulfillment in Him and righteousness. These are the constants, the indicators of Christ's presence in our lives and they're far more worth it and far more life giving than temporal things like money and happiness.
Here is where things get sticky-- there are those who preach peace or who claim to 'hate drama' and yet they marinate in it constantly, always seeking out the new, juicy gossip, controlling other people and generally just creating upheaval wherever they go. Its tough for me to believe these folks when they claim to 'desire peace', because they are the very ones creating strife. If this is you, I implore you to stop. Its only creating hurt for yourself and those around you. If you don't know if this is you, ask yourself what feelings came up when you read this paragraph... feelings of guilt, defensiveness?? Ask those around you for their honest assessment. We are all works in progress, there is no shame in Christ, but He calls us to live in peace, not strife.
There is no better way to live, than in quiet and peace-- and this comes through knowing Him. After all, how can we have true peace if we don't know the source of that peace? This has become one of the sweetest things in my relationship with Him, the peace that is a constant in my life.
Know Him, Know peace.
I've read this verse hundreds of times, and as a child I remember thinking it was rather unfair... what about those of us that love to dance to loud, bumping music, or who scream on roller coasters or have big emotions? Those things aren't "quiet"-- after all, didn't the Lord make us this way?? I chuckle at my child interpretation now, because, clearly, that is not what this verse is saying... this verse has become monumental for me in the last several months. I may even consider it my 'life verse' at this juncture.
Other translations say 'make it your aim to live a quiet and peaceful life'... I have found that sentiment to be more and more appealing the older I get. I don't want drama, upheaval, tension and chaos--that finds us simply because we live in this broken world, but I certainly don't want to be the producer of more of it.
The beauty of this verse is the practicality of it-- live as peacemakers. Seek to not meddle in other people's affairs, which almost always causes unnecessary tension and excess clamor, but 'seek peace and pursue it' (Psalm 34:14).
According to Oxford Dictionary the meaning of the word 'peace' is: freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility. Folks, who doesn't want that? That is what our hearts long for-- freedom from disturbance, a quietness in our hearts and souls, ceasing of wars and violence... most people I know want to live peaceful lives. I love how the Bible is not only complete truth, but is also gives incredibly practical guidelines for living that are for our benefit. Its as though God knows the best, healthiest way for us to live and cares enough to share that with us... (imagine that!!)
This is not only something I think is crucial, God apparently thinks so too. Jesus promises his disciples in the book of John that he is leaving peace with them and that they need not to be afraid. The Bible is sprinkled with verses, such as the aforementioned that speak of the importance of God's peace, not only of possessing it, but of being sowers of it. Don't believe me? Check out these verses-- (1 Thess. 4:11, Psalm 34:14, John 14:27, 2 Thess. 3:16, 2 Cor. 13:11, James 3:18).
I find myself longing for and thriving in the quiet moments, simply sitting in my favorite green chair, thinking about life, praying for things that are weighing on me and allowing God's spirit to minister to my heart. It doesn't look glamorous from the outside, but it is life giving to my soul. I often think of when I will get to sit in my backyard, doing nothing but listening to the sounds of nature around me.
I value family days, hanging out at home more now than I ever have. We don't have to be going on a wild road trip, we can be playing a card game at the kitchen table, and my heart is full. I love Sunday afternoons, snuggled on the couch, watching a movie with my sister that we've seen a hundred times, but is still our favorite. I'm convinced these are the quiet, peaceful moments that verse is talking about. Its the everyday things, living righteously before the Lord, allowing Him to be God, to deal with people's hearts and ugliness, and simply doing our best to love and live for Him.
I've stopped chasing happiness, success, wealth... those things are only 'fillers' for what we're actually longing for. I don't think much of those things, but I do think much of seeking out peace, fulfillment in Him and righteousness. These are the constants, the indicators of Christ's presence in our lives and they're far more worth it and far more life giving than temporal things like money and happiness.
Here is where things get sticky-- there are those who preach peace or who claim to 'hate drama' and yet they marinate in it constantly, always seeking out the new, juicy gossip, controlling other people and generally just creating upheaval wherever they go. Its tough for me to believe these folks when they claim to 'desire peace', because they are the very ones creating strife. If this is you, I implore you to stop. Its only creating hurt for yourself and those around you. If you don't know if this is you, ask yourself what feelings came up when you read this paragraph... feelings of guilt, defensiveness?? Ask those around you for their honest assessment. We are all works in progress, there is no shame in Christ, but He calls us to live in peace, not strife.
There is no better way to live, than in quiet and peace-- and this comes through knowing Him. After all, how can we have true peace if we don't know the source of that peace? This has become one of the sweetest things in my relationship with Him, the peace that is a constant in my life.
Know Him, Know peace.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Lessons in Singleness
A few nights ago I sat with a friend-- legs crossed on her bed, reminiscing, rejoicing and crying as she prepares to marry in a few short months.
We talked about the sleepovers and spontaneous hang outs-- how easy it has been to get together at the drop of a hat. We cried that that will be more difficult in a few months. We encouraged each other and we reminded one another of who they are. It was so filling for our spirits.
At some point the conversation turned to me and she told me to let her know if ever the wedding talk becomes hard for me, as a single person and I need to take some time to breathe. I promised I would. But I also explained my current state, what He's been teaching me and how my mindset has changed, slowly but steadily over the last several years.
It took me a long time to come to this place. For so long I saw marriage as superior to singleness. I spent hours and hours thinking about and hoping for a spouse, wanting my crush to notice me...
I distinctly remember the first time my mindset started to change. I was in my college dorm room, a junior at the time, getting ready for my day, and the Lord gave me this sense of excitement and joy as I thought about being single. It was something I had never experienced before.
After that it was a million little things that continued to change my mind... it was the numerous singles that I bumped elbows with that were living so fully and so well, despite lacking a significant other. It was me choosing to invest in things that matter now, and believing that those things were worthwhile, even without a spouse by my side. It was realizing that I wouldn't have been able to be a Resident Assistant my senior year of University if I had been married. And man, I would have missed out. I wouldn't trade that for anything. It was being real honest with friends and mentors about how I felt and where I was at. It was countless prayers.
I explained it to my friend the other night as me having a massive feast of Italian food in front of me-- pasta, cheese, alfredo sauce-- the works... all the while lusting over her Mexican food feast. How often do we do that? Ignore our own rich blessings, in search of what we really want? How much do we actually end up missing out on in search of 'the good life'?
As I was talking to my friend I realized that its taken years, but I am finally at a place where I see marriage and singleness as equal in beauty, usefulness and status. Its embarrassing to admit how long it took, but it is the truth. I do not consider my life or status inferior to that of my married friends any longer. I consider my life different but equal. I also explained that if I had married young, I would likely never have learned this lesson. It was one of those things that needed to be learned through struggling with my current state of being, rather than being handed the thing that I wanted. I would have spent years, potentially even a lifetime believing the lie that marriage was superior to singleness, had I not been forced to struggle with the truth during my single years. And the Lord knew that was no way to live. So, I am convinced that at least part of the reason I am 26 and single is because I needed to come to that understanding, and it took years of doubt, struggle, prayers and tears to finally have a settled heart and mind.
I am thankful that our Father does not instantly give us what we want, the moment we want it. I would have likely still believed that destructive lie... and I would have missed out on so much of what I've learned, done and seen during my single years.
I am so grateful that I truly can echo that age old hymn that says,
'Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul'.
If you're struggling with your current status as a single person, I encourage you to find mentors, good friends-- people you can talk to and who will listen and encourage and cry with you. And I promise that the lessons you're learning now are worth it.
Keep living fully, and keep investing well, knowing you are loved now.
We talked about the sleepovers and spontaneous hang outs-- how easy it has been to get together at the drop of a hat. We cried that that will be more difficult in a few months. We encouraged each other and we reminded one another of who they are. It was so filling for our spirits.
At some point the conversation turned to me and she told me to let her know if ever the wedding talk becomes hard for me, as a single person and I need to take some time to breathe. I promised I would. But I also explained my current state, what He's been teaching me and how my mindset has changed, slowly but steadily over the last several years.
It took me a long time to come to this place. For so long I saw marriage as superior to singleness. I spent hours and hours thinking about and hoping for a spouse, wanting my crush to notice me...
I distinctly remember the first time my mindset started to change. I was in my college dorm room, a junior at the time, getting ready for my day, and the Lord gave me this sense of excitement and joy as I thought about being single. It was something I had never experienced before.
After that it was a million little things that continued to change my mind... it was the numerous singles that I bumped elbows with that were living so fully and so well, despite lacking a significant other. It was me choosing to invest in things that matter now, and believing that those things were worthwhile, even without a spouse by my side. It was realizing that I wouldn't have been able to be a Resident Assistant my senior year of University if I had been married. And man, I would have missed out. I wouldn't trade that for anything. It was being real honest with friends and mentors about how I felt and where I was at. It was countless prayers.
I explained it to my friend the other night as me having a massive feast of Italian food in front of me-- pasta, cheese, alfredo sauce-- the works... all the while lusting over her Mexican food feast. How often do we do that? Ignore our own rich blessings, in search of what we really want? How much do we actually end up missing out on in search of 'the good life'?
As I was talking to my friend I realized that its taken years, but I am finally at a place where I see marriage and singleness as equal in beauty, usefulness and status. Its embarrassing to admit how long it took, but it is the truth. I do not consider my life or status inferior to that of my married friends any longer. I consider my life different but equal. I also explained that if I had married young, I would likely never have learned this lesson. It was one of those things that needed to be learned through struggling with my current state of being, rather than being handed the thing that I wanted. I would have spent years, potentially even a lifetime believing the lie that marriage was superior to singleness, had I not been forced to struggle with the truth during my single years. And the Lord knew that was no way to live. So, I am convinced that at least part of the reason I am 26 and single is because I needed to come to that understanding, and it took years of doubt, struggle, prayers and tears to finally have a settled heart and mind.
I am thankful that our Father does not instantly give us what we want, the moment we want it. I would have likely still believed that destructive lie... and I would have missed out on so much of what I've learned, done and seen during my single years.
I am so grateful that I truly can echo that age old hymn that says,
'Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul'.
If you're struggling with your current status as a single person, I encourage you to find mentors, good friends-- people you can talk to and who will listen and encourage and cry with you. And I promise that the lessons you're learning now are worth it.
Keep living fully, and keep investing well, knowing you are loved now.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Thoughts on Inauguration...
I didn't set out to write a post on Inauguration day, about inauguration day, but sometimes it just works out that way...
This past election season was undoubtedly one of the most controversial, emotional, risky elections in the history of the United States. Many were unimpressed with both candidates and felt stuck. Many were over the election before it even happened... Some were satisfied with the results, others were discouraged, but overall I get the sense that people felt scared, stuck and powerless.
Social media was a battlefield, and dodging the bombs and spears that were being thrown was next to impossible. Opinions were being stated on every move that the candidates made. Skeletons were dug out of the closets and displayed for all to see. Selfish choices, words and actions were rampant... it seemed to bring out the worst in people.
There were also peacemakers who reminded and encouraged folks to show love and empathy even in the mess and rubble, and those people are heroes in my book-- an unwillingness to be a part of the mud slinging, name calling, and hate-filled rhetoric shows maturity and awareness and that is what changes the world.
I remember feeling burnt out, exhausted and utterly drained by the election before it even happened. I had opinions and fears and hopes in it all, but honestly, by the time November 8th arrived, part of me was breathing a sigh of relief, just wanting it to be over. I couldn't go on facebook without feeling discouraged and disappointed afterward. There was a tension in the air that seemed palpable. I did my best to steer away from political conversations during the holidays because I come from a passionate family when it comes to politics...
And now? I still feel burnt out. Sure, some of the heavy emotions have died down, but this is still one of the most divisive topics in our nation and around the world. People rejoice or people mourn, but there doesn't seem to be much unity in our land. People seem discouraged and defeated and, at times, prideful, arrogant and ungracious.
I suppose this post is atypical in that it doesn't have resolve, its mostly just a record of my thoughts regarding the election and the state of our nation currently, but I suppose if I were to leave a charge it would simply be this-- its easy to add to the noise, to stir up fear and anxiety, to allow resentment and bitterness to take root, and I get it, because there are legitimate concerns that many have... even so, I often wonder if the plethora of opinions out there just adds to the chaos and noise without doing much else.
Its much more difficult to stop and listen respectfully, even in disagreement. Or to show empathy and compassion when that is not being shown from those leading our country. It is hard to go home and love our families, putting ourselves last, staring fear in the face and saying "You will not win." But it is the way of Jesus.
I am constantly amazed and convicted by his life. He didn't go over well, but it wasn't because he was being hateful, it was because the heart of man was wicked and unable to accept this dude that ate with sinners and forgave prostitutes. It was because he loved so radically and turned their cultural ideals upside down for the sake of the people he died for... Unwilling to budge on the truth, and yet the most compassionate, empathetic, loving, selfless person that ever walked the earth. That truth is humbling.
So I guess I am challenged to ask myself how I can approach this stinky pile of poo that has come about in the most Jesus-like way possible. It sounds so 90's to ask 'What Would Jesus Do?'-- but what if that is actually the single most important question we can ask? The way of Jesus is hard, it requires going against our natural inclinations, but it is the only way that brings life. It is the only way.
So, Ironically enough, at the risk of adding to the already deafening noise, I send my plea-- don't hide behind a computer screen, spouting out words you'd never dare say in person, don't run down the war-path, unwilling to hear any other thoughts and opinions, don't believe everything you read or hear. But do make love the goal, in every situation.
I tell my preschoolers constantly that they need to ask themselves before making choices, "Is this a good choice?" And, as elementary as it sounds, it is my encouragement to each of us (myself included). Is this a helpful conversation? Is this conversations filled with grace and empathy, or raucous opinions that will create division and strife? Is it necessary?
So, I will spend the next four years praying for the 45th president of the United States (2 Timothy 2:1-3). He will make decisions I will disagree with. He will disappoint. He might make decisions I will agree with as well. Regardless, I am called to pray and respect those in authority, and I will do just that. But I will not put my hope in a mere man. My hope was, is and will remain in the only constant in my life-- Jesus. No legislation, leader or politician can take that away.
I conclude with this-- from the most selfless, caring, strong, truthful, loving person that this world has ever and will ever know-- "By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35).
This past election season was undoubtedly one of the most controversial, emotional, risky elections in the history of the United States. Many were unimpressed with both candidates and felt stuck. Many were over the election before it even happened... Some were satisfied with the results, others were discouraged, but overall I get the sense that people felt scared, stuck and powerless.
Social media was a battlefield, and dodging the bombs and spears that were being thrown was next to impossible. Opinions were being stated on every move that the candidates made. Skeletons were dug out of the closets and displayed for all to see. Selfish choices, words and actions were rampant... it seemed to bring out the worst in people.
There were also peacemakers who reminded and encouraged folks to show love and empathy even in the mess and rubble, and those people are heroes in my book-- an unwillingness to be a part of the mud slinging, name calling, and hate-filled rhetoric shows maturity and awareness and that is what changes the world.
I remember feeling burnt out, exhausted and utterly drained by the election before it even happened. I had opinions and fears and hopes in it all, but honestly, by the time November 8th arrived, part of me was breathing a sigh of relief, just wanting it to be over. I couldn't go on facebook without feeling discouraged and disappointed afterward. There was a tension in the air that seemed palpable. I did my best to steer away from political conversations during the holidays because I come from a passionate family when it comes to politics...
And now? I still feel burnt out. Sure, some of the heavy emotions have died down, but this is still one of the most divisive topics in our nation and around the world. People rejoice or people mourn, but there doesn't seem to be much unity in our land. People seem discouraged and defeated and, at times, prideful, arrogant and ungracious.
I suppose this post is atypical in that it doesn't have resolve, its mostly just a record of my thoughts regarding the election and the state of our nation currently, but I suppose if I were to leave a charge it would simply be this-- its easy to add to the noise, to stir up fear and anxiety, to allow resentment and bitterness to take root, and I get it, because there are legitimate concerns that many have... even so, I often wonder if the plethora of opinions out there just adds to the chaos and noise without doing much else.
Its much more difficult to stop and listen respectfully, even in disagreement. Or to show empathy and compassion when that is not being shown from those leading our country. It is hard to go home and love our families, putting ourselves last, staring fear in the face and saying "You will not win." But it is the way of Jesus.
I am constantly amazed and convicted by his life. He didn't go over well, but it wasn't because he was being hateful, it was because the heart of man was wicked and unable to accept this dude that ate with sinners and forgave prostitutes. It was because he loved so radically and turned their cultural ideals upside down for the sake of the people he died for... Unwilling to budge on the truth, and yet the most compassionate, empathetic, loving, selfless person that ever walked the earth. That truth is humbling.
So I guess I am challenged to ask myself how I can approach this stinky pile of poo that has come about in the most Jesus-like way possible. It sounds so 90's to ask 'What Would Jesus Do?'-- but what if that is actually the single most important question we can ask? The way of Jesus is hard, it requires going against our natural inclinations, but it is the only way that brings life. It is the only way.
So, Ironically enough, at the risk of adding to the already deafening noise, I send my plea-- don't hide behind a computer screen, spouting out words you'd never dare say in person, don't run down the war-path, unwilling to hear any other thoughts and opinions, don't believe everything you read or hear. But do make love the goal, in every situation.
I tell my preschoolers constantly that they need to ask themselves before making choices, "Is this a good choice?" And, as elementary as it sounds, it is my encouragement to each of us (myself included). Is this a helpful conversation? Is this conversations filled with grace and empathy, or raucous opinions that will create division and strife? Is it necessary?
So, I will spend the next four years praying for the 45th president of the United States (2 Timothy 2:1-3). He will make decisions I will disagree with. He will disappoint. He might make decisions I will agree with as well. Regardless, I am called to pray and respect those in authority, and I will do just that. But I will not put my hope in a mere man. My hope was, is and will remain in the only constant in my life-- Jesus. No legislation, leader or politician can take that away.
I conclude with this-- from the most selfless, caring, strong, truthful, loving person that this world has ever and will ever know-- "By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35).
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