Great is Thy Faithfulness

People often ask me if it is hard to think about the future without my mom. They wonder what it feels like to know she won't be present.

In response, I always tell them 'yes, it is hard. So, so hard.' I hate the fact that she won't be present at my graduation in a week. She so desperately wanted to be there and reminded my sister and I over and over how proud she was of us. I wish she could see it, and maybe she can. I don't know what heaven is like.

Right after mom passed away, when I would think of the future, I could hardly imagine doing life without her there. How would I know what to do when I had a baby that was colicky at 2 in the morning? What about when I needed relationship advice? Who would I go to? I realized that I so desperately needed my mom, but I didn't have a choice. She was gone, and I was forced to learn what it looked like to do life this side of heaven without her. That felt daunting and terrifying.

As the days and weeks continued, the fear subsided little by little and I realized that I was able to function, despite the difficulty. I realized that my heart, while deeply pained, was resilient.

My mom won't be physically present when I say 'I do' or when I have my first child or when I graduate or start my first full time job, and that grieves me. But I also find joy in remembering and knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that she was so, so proud of my sister and I. And I am comforted by the gentle and yet fierce embrace of my Heavenly dad. He truly is the best comforter and the wonderful counselor. He's given me all I've needed through the darkest days of my life. The days when I was confused and scared and angry, He brought peace and a deep reminder of His greatness and steadfast love.

Steadfast. Unmovable. Never ending. Constant.
That is the Father's love for His children, and I have experienced that more profoundly these past 8 months than ever before.
Great is His Faithfulness.