Days like this

Its days like this, days where I am exhausted, emotional and ready for a nap that make me wonder if I will ever get the hang of adult life. So many responsibilities, so many commitments, so many decisions. When and how does one go from being dependent to independent? From child to adult? From immature to mature? From irresponsible to responsible? 

Many days I cruise right along, content, happy, and completely joyful about life. But some days, like today, I start questioning all of it. I don't feel very good at being an adult yet. I haven't been 'an adult' very long now, and honestly, its been a tough transition. Its not one that is easy. But it is one that is possible. I know that I learn a little more about how to make it through this crazy life each and every day. I know that I mature a little, grow a little, become a bit more independent each day. But its slow. And that is what gets me. It is not a quick, tidy, neat process. There is no wrapping it up and tying it with a bow. Its messy, tough, and exhausting. But it is worth the fight, because its through struggles that growth happens. At least that is the case in my life. 

So, I will continue to trust that someday I will get the hang of it. That someday, I will feel like I can maneuver this life as an adult. But I will also keep in mind that I will never be perfect at it. Of course, there will still be days when I question my sanity and abilities, but, I will trust my ability to make wise decisions. And I will be okay with not having it all together.  Who am I trying to fool? NONE of us has it all together. That brings me comfort. 

Continuing to discover. Always. 

Peace

This time in my life is possibly one of the most hectic, chaotic and confusing that I have ever experienced. And there are many days that I feel like maybe I don't have the strength the continue. But each day I wake up to the sun shining in my window, and a brand new chance to make something great out of my time. 

And each morning there is an undeniable peace that follows me throughout my days, reminding me that although I don't know what the future holds, I know the one who holds my future. I can't explain it. I should not have peace considering all that is taking place, but I do. And I couldn't be more grateful that God has calmed my frazzled nerves, and has spoken truth into my heart. I still have my rough times, but even during those times, I cannot ignore the peace that I have. 

I am content with the present, and excited for the future. 

July 16, 2011

I have much to say, but no words for it. URG. No worries, I am fine. Just mulling over lots of things now. What I can say is, I am experiencing things that I never have before, and am in a place in life that is so different than where I was 4 months ago. It is a good thing. I continue to see peace and contentment reign, and that is huge.

I feel very excited and happy!

seize the day!!

Its a Beautiful Life

I have never in my life felt more peace than I do right now. This is amazing! And yet... there is still a little tiny part of me that questions if this whole 'getting up and leaving' thing is really what I want to do. There is not a doubt in my mind that it is the right thing, but some days I feel like I am just happy to stay here in my little corner of the world, and sit on my comfortable couch, and just enjoy life as it is. But, that would not be the right thing to do. And I know that if I did what I feel like doing, versus what I know I need to be doing, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

I know and trust that God holds my future in His hands, but sometimes I just wish I could have a tiny glimpse into what that future might be. I want to see where I'll be in 5 years. But that is the beauty of it all-- being surprised. I suppose it would be to my benefit to learn to like surprises sooner, rather than later, because life is full of them. But it doesn't always jive with this 'planner' personality. Ha!

No matter where I am in 5 days or 5 months, or 5 years, I am trying to soak up every minute of my time wherever I am at. To learn to love each moment and adventure that comes my way. I am very blessed, and I don't want to miss even a second of this beautiful life!

What happens when...?

I have been pondering what happens when we step out of our comfort zone, and make ourselves available. The thought scares a bit, to be honest. I have such a little bubble that I like to stay in, that feels good, and comfortable. I do not enjoy stepping out of that bubble (who likes it?!) But I know that this life is not about always doing what we like, or staying in that place of comfort. The Christian life is one that is called to consist of servitude and honestly, doing hard things sometimes. That is just the plain truth.

I love this quote that I read on a blog a while back: "Does it feel good, or does it feel right?" (Thank you, Kate McDonald!) At first it perplexed me, but after a bit, it began to make sense. Often times, the right thing, the thing we know that we should be doing, the one that is the hardest does not feel good. It is often painful, and involves self sacrifice. But "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same" (The Fray). Its hard for me to understand, but I know it is the reality. 

I have a feeling that these upcoming months will be ones that stretch me in every way: mentally, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Being 'stretched' is not fun, but I know that if I am to grow, being stretched is essential. And think about it, when one stretches after a workout, it is a bit uncomfortable at times, but it turns out to be really good for their body. So it is the same with other types of 'stretching' I am sure. I grows me up, helps me to trust more, and helps me be able to relate to others, to show empathy, and a host of other things. 

What happens when we pray for God to take us out of our comfort zone? Oh, no doubt He does. It may be hard, but it is necessary, and it is ultimately, for my good.

Sometimes the hardest thing, and the right thing, are the same.

What if?

This song has really been speaking to me lately. They lyrics ring true, but the song itself is beautiful. I would encourage you to look it up. 

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

-Blessings (Laura Story)

I was blessed to be able to discuss this with a friend today, and to be able to talk about how the trials of life seem so overwhelming sometimes, but often, oh so often, they're what shape and make us. This song is a great reminder of that.

Blessed

I am blessed. I am so grateful for incredible friends and family. I have a great support system behind me, and I couldn't ask for more! So grateful!

There is beauty all around me, and I love it! Just reveling in life right now! It is hard sometimes, but I am always blessed!