Who am I?

Sometimes I sit here and wonder who I am. Sounds odd, I know, I have lived with myself for a while now, I should know who I am. But sometimes I feel like I know so little about who I am. Sure, I know that I like cheese, and I go to school and spend too much time online. Yes, I know all that stuff. But who am I inside, deep down? What do I want? What do I believe? Do others know who I am? What makes me who I am? I have come to realize that I am a contradiction, and it bugs me, and yet it is refreshing also. 

Is it possible to be both sarcastic and yet incredibly deep at the same time? Can I be fun and grounded? Blond and smart? Dedicated and spontaneous? Silly and serious? It seems ridiculous, doesn't it? I mean of course we as humans are multi-faceted beings. The answer should be a resounding "YES!" To all of the above. But I still wonder. Why is it that I can be completely sarcastic and jaded one moment, and serious and focused the next? Does 'who I am' change based off of who I'm around? Is that a bad thing? 

This next stage of figuring out who I am is confusing. I don't know the answers... and I want to. I think part of what bothers me so much is that I'm not sure that I completely understand myself, which, in turn means that there is no way that others understand me. Sure, we can 'get' people to an extent, but can we ever be completely understood by someone else? Do I understand anyone else that walks this earth? Do I know and accept and love and appreciate all that they are and are not? Maybe we aren't supposed to understand each other completely. Maybe it is a bit of a mystery and it always will be until we are called home. 

I feel like around certain people I can be funny and silly and sarcastic, and around others I am more serious and focused and elegant. Why is that? It makes sense, in a way. Different situations call for different behavior, but how I want people to see who I am... in all reality. I, just like everyone, have many facets. I am not simply this or that. I cross the boxes that we are assigned to so often. I am not just "emotional" or just "silly" or just "serious" or just "weird." I am all of the above, and that is ok. Why do I try to put myself into the boxes that I feel so confined by?

I wish so much that we could rid ourselves of the boxes that we place ourselves and others in, and just understand how layered and diverse a single person is. It is a beautiful thing to be so diverse, and yet it feels so odd to be a complete contradiction of myself.