What the HECK just happened??

That is what I am wondering. I've been home for about five weeks, and I am still processing every day, trying to figure out all of these questions in my head; trying to get some clarity into what it is that took place over the past five months; and desperately trying to settle back into life here at home, while also struggling to maintain long distance relationships and just kind of wishing everyone I love was in one place.

I knew the 'adjustment' wasn't going to be easy. It hasn't been. But it also hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be... or rather, its been hard in different ways than I had anticipated. Its like, I live and think differently now, and I don't know how to incorporate everything into my life here at home. Because there isn't that same 'community' as there was in Montana. Community was everywhere. Sometimes it drove me crazy, because I never got a moment alone. But most of the time, I loved it.

Something I'm learning through this is: Life is about relationship. Relationship with the Father; relationship with others. Its about loving. Its about taking risks. People aren't always going to agree or understand, or like you. But what does it matter? People didn't like Jesus either, and he was freaking perfect. And I am learning what the body is supposed to look like. I am learning that it is possible to have the best friends a girl could ask for hundred, thousands of miles away. Even oceans away. Geographical distance doesn't determine relational closeness... at least it shouldn't.

Yeah... He's teaching me a lot. And I love what He's teaching me. But in the process, I am being stretched and challenged. Which I don't always like. But, in the end, it is always right. In the end, its what I need.

I suspect this processing that is taking place will continue to for some time. Everyone that I have talked to who went through the same experience, is still processing. And quite frankly, that is probably a good thing. It seems to me that the day we stop 'processing' is the day we stop learning. And we were meant to learn and grow. It is how we become more of who we were meant to be. So I will enjoy the journey.