I don't do change well. Often times when I move locations or something shifts in my life, I end up grumpy and unpleasant to be around. I am a creature of habit and I love routine. And when I move, all of that gets shaken and I feel like I have to try to find my bearings once again amidst the craziness.
I think somewhere inside of me is this idea that I will next time somehow handle the tense situation just perfectly. And then when I snap or when I end up being a lot less gracious than I had hoped, I always get disappointed. But I am so glad that I am beginning to understand the truth of sanctification. Its not a destination, its a journey. And I'm grateful that others are on the journey as well. Nope, I'll never be that perfectly gracious, patient person that I paint in my head, but I know that I am growing to be more like Him as I follow Him. As He picks me up and dusts off my skinned knees, and places me back on me feet again.
Sometimes I wonder if others saw everything about me-- all my attitudes, actions and words if I would have any friends. I don't feel very gracious or patient or loving much of the time. Only through His strength can I bit my tongue in the moments that I feel like snapping. And often times, I walk in my own strength, and end up saying something that I regret. Its in these moments-- the moments that I fail miserably in my humanness that I realize all the more, his great 'God-ness.' His perfect nature that comes in and loves me through the mess and reminds me of the fact that I am beloved despite myself. I don't have to earn his love. I don't have to fight for it. Its there-- simply and freely, always. That is why He is different from all other 'gods.' Because its not about me or anybody being good enough to earn his favor, its simply about the fact that His grace covers it, because its like an ocean.
I'm grateful that he doesn't say "Ok, Hannah, you've messed up 456,321 times, now I am done forgiving." Nope. Not once has he ever said that-- nor will he. His love truly is extravagant. It blows me away, and I feel as though I can relate to the Psalmist as he pours out praises upon the Lord-- realizing his great love.
I could never imagine all that I would learn about Him in a few short months, but I can say with more certainty than ever before that His grace is enough and that His love reaches to the heavens, and His faithfulness stretches to the skies. For that, I praise Him.
This song was continually running through my head while writing this, and I borrowed a few lyrics earlier, so give it a listen :)
Cheers.
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